2018-03-19T04:46:07ZFluxBBhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?id=22439Q: When does it rain money? A: When there is "change" in the weather. * * * Q: How much money does a skunk have? A: One scent! * * * Q: Where do seagulls invest their money? A: In the stork market! * * * Q: Why did the idiot go broke? A: Because he had no cents. * * * Q: What do fish use for money? A: Sand dollars! * * * Q: Where does a fish keep his money? A: In the River Bank! * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-19T04:46:07Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402737#p402737Q: What do you call a tense clock? A: All wound up! * * * Q: What did the robber say to the clock? A: Hands up! * * * Q: What do you call a grandfather clock? A: An old timer! * * * Q: Why did the scientist drop a wrist watch into his flask? A: He was looking for a timely solution. * * * Q: What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A: A Candy Baa! * * * Q: What kind of candy is never on time? A: Choco-LATE. * * * Q: If Bob has 30 chocolate bars, and eats 25, what does he have? A: Diabetes. * * * Q: What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? A: An astronut! * * * Q: Why did the peanuts run across the busy road? A: Because they were nuts! * * * Q: Where did the peanuts go to have a few drinks? A: The Snack Bar! * * * Q: What kind of nuts hang? A: Wallnuts. * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-09T06:05:57Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402494#p402494Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund? A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie. * * * Q: Where do mice park their boats? A: At the hickory Dickinson dock. * * * Q: How does a dog stop a video? A: He presses the paws button. * * * Q: What do you call lending money to a bison? A: A buff-a-loan. * * * Q: How do you make a goldfish old? A: Take away the g! * * * Q: Why did the dog cross the road twice? A: He was trying to fetch a boomerang! * * * Q: What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo? A: A woolen jumper! * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-09T01:28:48Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402489#p402489Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet? A: You look flushed! * * * Q: What lights up a soccer stadium? A: A soccer match! * * * Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? A: Odor in the court. * * * Q: How do hens cheer for their team? A: They egg them on! * * * Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline? A: Spring time. * * * Q: Why did Roger go out with a prune? A: Because he couldn’t find a date! * * * Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam! * * * Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills! * * * Q: What streets do ghosts haunt? A: Dead ends! * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-06T12:58:56Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402448#p402448Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope? A: To get to the other slide! * * * Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean? A: Try and be more Pacific! * * * Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties? A: To find a tight seal. * * * Q: Who solves mysteries involving electricity? A: Sherlock Ohms! * * * Q: Why are chemists perfect for solving problems? A: Because they have all the solutions. * * * Q: What does my dog do when he goes to bed? A: He reads a bite-time story. * * * Q: Why don’t ducks ever have spare change? A: They only carry bills. * * * Q: What do rabbits do when they get married? A: They go on a bunnymoon. * * * Q: How does a lion greet other animals in wild? A: Please to eat you. * * * Q: Why was the girl sitting on her watch? A: Because she wanted to be on time. * * * Q: When do astronauts eat? A: At launch time. * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-06T03:35:18Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402441#p402441Q: What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? A: Remove your spectacles! * * * Q: What three letters alter boys into men and girls into women? A: Age. * * * Q: If a cat has nine lives, what has more? A: A frog – it croaks every day. * * * Q: What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet? A: A magnet has a positive side. * * * Q: What falls regularly although never gets hurt? A: Rain! * * * Q: What can you serve but never eat? A: A volleyball. * * * Q: Why are penguins socially awkward? A: Because they can't break the ice. * * * Q: Why is a horse like a wedding? A: Because they both need a groom! * * * Q: What is a witches favorite part in school? A: Spelling! * * * Q: Where does a rabbit learn how to fly? A: In the hare force. * * * Q: What is round as a cookie, busy as a bee? What can it be? A: A watch! * * * Q: Why did the house go to the doctor? A: Because he had window panes! * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-05T05:53:59Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402418#p402418Q: How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it? A: It can have a hole in it. * * * Q: If I drink, I die. If i eat, I am fine. What am I? A: A fire! * * * Q: If I have it, I don’t share it. If I share it, I don’t have it. What is it? A: A Secret. * * * Q: What has hands but can not clap? A: A clock. * * * Q: What has one eye but cannot see? A: A needle. * * * Q: They come out at night without being called, and are lost in the day without being stolen. What are they? A: Stars! * * * Q: What do you call two ants that run away to get married? A: Ant-elopes! * * * Q: Why does a stork stand on one leg? A: Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one. * * * Q: How do chickens get strong? A: Egg-cersize. * * * Q: Why did the sun go to school? A: To get brighter! * * * Q: How do you know when the moon has enough to eat? A: When it’s full. * * * Q: What’s a light-year? A: The same as a regular year, but with less calories. * * * Q: Why did the cow go to outer space? A: To visit the milky way. * * * Q: Who makes dinosaur clothes? A: A dino-sewer. * * * Q: What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a snake? A: A jump rope! * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-04T02:52:44Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402398#p402398Q: How can you get four suits for a dollar? A: Buy a deck of cards. * * * Q: What do you do when your chair breaks? A: Call a chairman. * * * Q: How do you make an egg laugh? A: Tell it a yolk. * * * Q: What has one horn and gives milk? A: A milk truck. * * * Q: What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed? A: Sleep somewhere else. * * * Q: What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air? A: A dead centipede. * * * Q: Where do fortune tellers dance? A: At the crystal ball. * * * Q: What did the limestone say to the Geologist? A: Don't take me for granite! * * * Q: How do you cut the sea in half? A: With a see saw! * * * Q: Why did the firefly get bad grades is school? A: He wasn’t very bright! * * * Q: How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space? A: On flying saucers! * * * Q: Why was the ant so confused? A: Because all his uncles were “ants!” * * * Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to space? A: To see Pluto! * * * Q: What do astronauts like to read? A: Comet books! * * * Q: How do scientists freshen their breath? A: With Experi-Mints! * * * Q: What can run, but cannot walk? A: Water! * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-03T03:08:50Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402389#p402389Q: Why are kindergarten teachers so good? A: They can make little things count. * * * Q: Why don’t honest people need beds? A: They don’t lie. * * * Q: There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn’t they get wet? A: It wasn’t raining! * * * Q: What kind of band can’t play music? A: A rubber band. * * * Q: What is the difference between a fly and Superman? A: Superman can fly, but a fly cannot Superman! * * * Q: Why did the student eat her homework? A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake! * * * Q: Why are babies good at soccer? A: Because they dribble! * * * Q: What is a baby’s motto? A: If at first you don’t succeed, cry and cry again! * * * Q. Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence? A. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow. * * * Q: What is the opposite of a restaurant? A: A workaraunt. * * * Q: What do you call a young army? A: Infantry. * * * Q: Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor? A: Because she wanted to get a good scoop. * * * Q: What would you call a humorous knee? A: Fun-ny! * * * Q: What goes on and on and has an i in the middle? A: An onion. * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-02T12:16:48Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402382#p402382Q: What is worse then having a baby screaming? A: Two babies screaming! * * * Q: Why did the boy take a ruler to bed? A: To see how long he slept. * * * Q: What has three letters and and starts with gas? A: A car. * * * Q: What kind of potato chips fly? A: Plane ones. * * * Q: What do a baker and a millionaire have in common? A: They are both rolling in the dough! * * * Q: Why did the gardener plant his money? A: He wanted his soil to be rich! * * * Q: Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line? A: She was caught taking a brake. * * * Q: Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes? A: No one can eat just one potato ship. * * * Q: What did one flower say to the other flower? A: Hey, bud! * * * Q: Why was the vacationing doctor so mad? A: He had no patients. * * * Q: Why did the girl throw the butter out the window? A: She wanted to see a butterfly. * * * Q: Where do all the letters sleep? A: In the alphabed. * * * Q: What’s in the middle of nowhere? A: The letter H. * * * Q: What can you hold without using your hands? A: Your breath! * * * Q: What has holes all over and holds water? A: A sponge! * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-02T03:26:59Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402373#p402373Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks? A: Make sure one is a match! * * * Q: What’s the slipperiest country? A: Greece! * * * Q: Why can’t you say a joke while standing on ice? A: Because it might crack up! * * * Q: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill? A: It ran out of juice! * * * Q: What is at the end of everything? A: The letter G. * * * Q: What is the world’s longest punctuation mark? A: The hundred yard dash. * * * Q: What is black when clean, and white when dirty? A: A blackboard. * * * Q: What kind of driver has no arms or legs? A: A screwdriver. * * * Q: Why would Snow White make a great judge? A: She was the fairest in the land. * * * Q: What do you give a lemon in distress? A: Lemonade. * * * Q: What did the ceiling say to the chandelier? A: You’re the only bright spot in my life. * * * Q: What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? A: One minds the train, one trains the mind. * * * Q: What do you call a scared train? A: A fright train! * * * Q: What does one bucket say to the other? A: I am feeling pale today. * * * Q: Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son? A: His son, because he’s a little Bigger! * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-03-01T05:23:35Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402359#p402359Q: What do you call an exploding monkey? A: A baboom! * * * Q: Why are giraffes so slow to apologize? A: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride. * * * Q: What fish only swims at night? A: A starfish. * * * Q: What is King Arthur’s favorite fish? A: A swordfish! * * * Q: Why don’t bears wear shoes? A: What’s the use, they’d still have bear feet! * * * Q: What does a calf become after it’s 1 year old? A: 2 years old. * * * Q: What do camels use to hide themselves? A: Camelflauge! * * * Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A: Is that you mommy? * * * Q: What is a frog’s favorite year? A: Leap Year! * * * Q: What is a horse’s favorite sport? A: Stable tennis! * * * Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white. * * * Q: What is a lion’s favorite state? A: Maine. * * * Q: What’s a puppy’s favorite kind of pizza? A: Pupperoni. * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-02-28T12:55:00Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402351#p402351Q: Why did the elephant paint himself different colors? A: So he could hide in the crayon box! * * * Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? A: By the footprints in the butter! * * * Q: What is the snake’s favorite subject? A: Hiss-story! * * * Q: What does a cat say when somebody steps on its tail? A: Me-ow! * * * Q: Where does an elephant pack his luggage? A: In his trunk! * * * Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left? A: None, because they were copycats! * * * Q: Why was the cat afraid of a tree? A: Because of the bark! * * * Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit? A: Do you want to grab a bite? * * * Q: How is a dog like a telephone? A: It has a collar I.D. * * * Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? A: Take away his credit card! * * * Q: What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat? A: Five after one. * * * Q: Why did the elephant leave the circus? A: He was tired of working for peanuts. * * * Q: Why was the mouse afraid of the water? A: Catfish. * * * Q: What do fish take to stay healthy? A: Vitamin sea. * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-02-25T12:26:18Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402315#p402315Q: What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"? A: A watch dog. * * * Q: What kind of necktie does a pig wear? A: A pigsty. * * * Q: What magazine do cats like to read? A: Good Mousekeeping. * * * Q: What makes a bowling alley so quiet? A: You can hear a pin drop. * * * Q: What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?" A: It's raining cats and dogs. * * * Q: Where did the vegetables go to get drunk? A: The Salad Bar. * * * Q: Which day of the week is the best for a dental appointment? A: Toothday. * * * Q: Why did Robin Hood rob only the rich? A: Because the poor had no money. * * * Q: Why did the garbage look sad? A: Because it was down in the dumps. * * * Q: Why did the man put wheels on his rocking chair? A: He wanted to rock and roll. * * * Q: Why do bicycles fall over? A: Because they are two-tired. * * * Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk. * * * Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: It's quicker than driving. * * * Q: Why don't fish play tennis? A: They might get caught in the net. * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-02-25T04:18:26Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402309#p402309Q: How can you tell if a planet is married? A: It has a ring around it. * * * Q: How do they put out fires at the post office? A: They stamp them out. * * * Q: How do you revive a drowning rodent? A: Give it mouse-to-mouse resuscitation. * * * Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A: A stick. * * * Q: What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A: A lawn moo-er. * * * Q: What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis? A: A hoarse doctor. * * * Q: What do you call bedtime stories for boats? A: Ferry tales. * * * Q: What do you call it when worms take over the world? A: Global Worming. * * * Q: What do you get when you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo? A: An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets. * * * Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A: A pachydermatologist. * * * Q: What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A: A celebrity roast. * * * Q: What kind of bird can write? A: A penguin. * * * Q: What kind of flowers grow in outer space? A: Sunflowers. * * * Q: What would you get if you crossed a potato and a frog? A: A potatoad. * * * Q: Where do otters come from? A: Otter space. * * *]]>http://www.mathisfunforum.com/profile.php?id=6822018-02-24T02:42:26Zhttp://www.mathisfunforum.com/viewtopic.php?pid=402299#p402299