Math Is Fun Forum
  Discussion about math, puzzles, games and fun.   Useful symbols: ÷ × ½ √ ∞ ≠ ≤ ≥ ≈ ⇒ ± ∈ Δ θ ∴ ∑ ∫ • π ƒ -¹ ² ³ °

You are not logged in.

#26 2018-09-22 03:41:54

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book".
* * *
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
* * *
Don't be irreplaceable - if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
* * *
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
* * *
I'm sorry I wasn't part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?
* * *
You have two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
* * *
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.
* * *
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
* * *
Child's experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.
* * *
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
* * *
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
* * *
Clinging on to past and living is like driving forward while watching the rear view mirror...
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#27 2018-09-22 16:45:36

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.
* * *
For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.
* * *
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
* * *
A wise man once said... Nothing, he only listened.
* * *
Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
* * *
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because their kids have to play inside!
* * *
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
* * *
If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?
* * *
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
* * *
My son was like "I got a D in my mathematics" and I was like "That's really bad" and my wife was like "you need to stop doing his homework."
* * *
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
* * *
The possibilities are endless, but I just want the good ones.
* * *
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe.
* * *
If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you'd have a small medium at large.
* * *
Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?
* * *
To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#28 2018-09-23 16:58:24

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
* * *
Seek knowledge from cradle to the grave.
* * *
Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock.
* * *
There is no dance without the dancers.
* * *
Escalators don't break down... they just turn into stairs.
* * *
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.
* * *
Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.
* * *
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.
* * *
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* * *
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"
* * *
Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus!
* * *
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's okay. He woke up.
* * *
I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.
* * *
Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
* * *
I don't understand why people get attacked by sharks. Can they not hear the music?
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#29 2018-09-24 00:57:36

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
* * *
A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."
* * *
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
* * *
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
* * *
I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.
* * *
You're like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
* * *
It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative.
* * *
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
* * *
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
* * *
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
* * *
A man to a woman," Did you see my watch? I was so busy that I didn't have time to find it."
* * *
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
* * *
Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
* * *
I'm really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.
* * *
Last Father's Day, my son gave me something I always wanted: the keys to my car.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#30 2018-09-24 16:53:14

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

Dream carefully, because dreams come true.
* * *
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
* * *
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
* * *
The real rich is the one who can enjoy from the cheapest things.
* * *
Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u.
* * *
I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.
* * *
Why don't aliens visit our planet? Terrible ratings. One star.
* * *
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
* * *
Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
* * *
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
* * *
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
* * *
If you see me smiling, it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing, it's because I've already done it.
* * *
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
* * *
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
* * *
I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter, none of them work.
* * *
Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions.
* * *
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
* * *
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#31 2018-09-25 15:26:16

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
* * *
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.
* * *
Are you a keyboard? Because you're my type!
* * *
Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
* * *
Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
* * *
Never hypothetically ask yourself if the person in front of you can go any slower, because the answer is yes.
* * *
Why do I keep paying the bills? It just encourages them to send more.
* * *
A cop accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He learned to never book a judge by their cover.
* * *
Alzheimer's can't be that bad. You get to meet new people everyday.
* * *
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
* * *
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
* * *
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
* * *
Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
* * *
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
* * *
What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.
* * *
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
* * *
I tried to catch some fog, I mist.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#32 2018-09-26 15:29:05

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

Sometimes waking up means the best part of your day is over!
* * *
You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
* * *
Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
* * *
My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
* * *
This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.
* * *
We live in an age where mentioning you read a book seems a little bit like you're showing off.
* * *
Currently the flower business is blooming.
* * *
Always identify who to blame in an emergency.
* * *
I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.
* * *
Your future depends on your dreams. Don't waste any time, go to bed now.
* * *
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
* * *
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
* * *
Are you the square root of -1? Because you can't be real.
* * *
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything".
* * *
Life isn't about winning and losing. It's about wishing you would have won and wondering why you lost.
* * *
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
* * *
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#33 2018-09-27 16:33:39

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.
* * *
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
* * *
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
* * *
Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
* * *
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
* * *
Take my advice — I'm not using it.
* * *
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
* * *
Becoming a parent is great. It's a beautiful and rewarding experience. It's almost as good as not becoming one.
* * *
I hate peer pressure and you should too.
* * *
Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element.
* * *
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
* * *
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
* * *
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
* * *
Ok, what's the latest possible date that I can still make something of my life?
* * *
Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#34 2018-09-28 16:26:41

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,405

Re: One Liners : Part II

I tried to escape the Apple store. I couldn't because there were no Windows.
* * *
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
* * *
You're sweeter than 3.14
* * *
A book just fell on my head. I've only got my shelf to blame.
* * *
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.
* * *
My math teacher called me average. How mean!
* * *
I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!
* * *
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
* * *
It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening.
* * *
People who write "u" instead of "you". What do you do with all the time you save?
* * *
What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.
* * *
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
* * *
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
* * *
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
* * *
Did you hear about the math teacher who's afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
* * *
Few women admit their age; few men act it.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

Board footer

Powered by FluxBB