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#1 2015-11-22 04:09:52

Agnishom
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From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
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The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Penny: Oh, it's no problem. It's actually kind of funny: You reading, me reading, we're like an old married couple.
Sheldon: If we were an old, married couple the wife would serve iced tea and snicker-doodles.
Penny: I don't have iced tea and snicker-doodles.
Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store.
Penny: I want a divorce.
Sheldon: Good, on your way to see the lawyer, pick up some tea and cookies.

---

Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don’t want tea.
Sheldon: I didn’t make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It’s a conversation starter.
Leonard: That’s a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.

---

Penny: Tell me something about yourself that I do not know.
Sheldon: I own nine pairs of pants.
Penny: Okay, that's a good start. But I was thinking something a bit more personal.
Sheldon: Oh, okay ... I own nine pairs of underpants.

Last edited by Agnishom (2015-11-22 04:15:51)


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#2 2015-12-23 06:02:21

Agnishom
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From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
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Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

[Sheldon is showing the valuables he keeps in his lock box]
Sheldon: [bringing out each item] My passport. My Wil.
Leonard: You have a will?
Sheldon: Yeah, my one-eighteenth scale Wil Wheaton action figure. Yeah, I also have the other kind of will, and in it, I will my Wil back to Wil.
Leonard: Will Wil want it?
Wil Wheaton: Wil won't.


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#3 2015-12-24 00:21:49

Relentless
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Registered: 2015-12-15
Posts: 624

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Sheldon: [about donating sperm] What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve the area under a curve?
Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn't.

[The guys are playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'ah]
Raj: Water demon.
Howard: Ice dragon.
Leonard: [victorious tone of voice] Lesser Warlord of Ka'ah!
Sheldon: Not so fast! Infinite Sheldon.
Leonard: Infinite Sheldon?!
Sheldon: Yes, Infinite Sheldon defeats all other cards, and does not violate the rule against homemade cards because I made it at work.
Leonard: Do you understand why people don't want to play with you?
Sheldon: No. Although, it's a question I've been pondering since preschool.

Sheldon: [about Stephen Hawking] He's a famous physicist.
Penny: Hang on, I know. He's the wheelchair-dude who invented time.
Sheldon: Close enough.

Last edited by Relentless (2015-12-24 01:04:51)

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#4 2015-12-25 16:48:38

Agnishom
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From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
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Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Sheldon: Why would you do that? You're a string theorist as well.
Barry Kripke: Incorrect. I'm a string pragmatist. I say I'm going to prove something that can not be proved. I apply for grant money and then I spend it on liquor and broads.


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#5 2015-12-29 03:56:57

Agnishom
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From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
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Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Oh. Amy’s at the dry cleaners, and she’s made a very amusing pun. “I don’t care for perchloroethylene, and I don’t like glycol ether.”


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#6 2015-12-29 04:07:41

Relentless
Member
Registered: 2015-12-15
Posts: 624

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

LOL to both of those xD

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: Well that's no reason to cry; one cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.

Leonard: I’m having dinner with Priya at Raj’s. I think Howard’s going to be there. You want to join us?
Sheldon: But tonight’s Thursday. On Thursdays, everybody comes over here and has pizza.
Leonard: Can’t we make a one-time exception for tonight?
Sheldon: We could. We could also stop using the letter M, but I think that idea is isguided and oronic.

Sheldon: Okay, Penny. That's your last chance to prove to me you're not stupid.
Penny: Okay, Sheldon. I'll prove to you I'm not stupid.
Sheldon: Mary's father has 5 children - 1. Nana 2. Nene 3. Nini 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth child?
Penny: Nunu!
Sheldon: Mary!
Penny: O:\

Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash-talk for the occasion. Ahem... You bowl like your momma!
[short pause]
Sheldon: Unless she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.
Stuart: Oh. Ouch.

Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?

Last edited by Relentless (2015-12-29 05:00:21)

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#7 2015-12-31 00:58:52

Agnishom
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From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
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Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Sheldon: So, they're requesting that the white boy play the funky music, yes?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: And this music we're listening to right now is funky as well?
Leonard: Sure.
Sheldon: Let me ask you this. Do you think this song is the music the white boy ultimately plays?
Leonard: It could be.
Sheldon: So it's like the musical equivalent of Russell's Paradox. The question of whether the set of all sets that don't contain themselves as members contains itself.
Leonard: Exactly.
Sheldon: Well then, I hate it. Music should just be fun.


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#8 2016-01-20 19:21:33

Agnishom
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From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
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Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Leonard: So how was work today?

Girl: Busy. I removed an appendix, a gall bladder and about a foot and a half of bowel.

Leonard: I’m hoping that’s three different guys.

Girl: No, just the one. He didn’t make it. So, how was your day?

Leonard: Oh, you know, I’m a physicist, so, I thought about stuff.

Girl: That’s it?

Leonard: Well, I wrote some of it down.


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#9 2016-03-10 05:53:48

Agnishom
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From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
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Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Leonard: mmm
Priya: Leonard, sweetheart, we're kissing not eating hot soup.


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#10 2016-03-10 08:31:32

bobbym
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From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 107,739

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

#8 is a dilly.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#11 2016-03-11 03:16:33

Agnishom
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From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
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Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

I'd love to have that kind of a job


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#12 2016-03-11 04:58:14

bobbym
Administrator
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 107,739

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

You want to operate on people unsuccessfully?


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#13 2016-03-11 15:45:39

Agnishom
Real Member
From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
Website

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

No, I want to have a peaceful job like Leonard


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#14 2016-03-11 17:11:20

bobbym
Administrator
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 107,739

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Physicists are peaceful people?


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#15 2016-03-11 18:25:12

Agnishom
Real Member
From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
Website

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Or mathematicians


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#16 2016-03-11 18:43:17

bobbym
Administrator
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 107,739

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

EM guys are peaceful. We do not go to war until we have run a simulation a couple of billion times. By that time the enemy has become extinct due to natural causes.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#17 2016-03-12 06:01:36

Agnishom
Real Member
From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
Website

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Do you know any the big bang theory jokes?


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#18 2016-03-12 06:02:30

bobbym
Administrator
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 107,739

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Yes I do. The big bang theory is the greatest joke of all.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#19 2016-03-12 06:07:02

Agnishom
Real Member
From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
Website

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Why don't you post it?


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#20 2016-03-12 06:09:31

bobbym
Administrator
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 107,739

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

The world has already posted it everywhere, it is taught to every school kid. Besides, this is for jokes, not commentary. I will desist.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#21 2016-03-12 06:16:33

Agnishom
Real Member
From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
Website

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

There was an astrophysicist who used to write "The big bang is a big myth" on his dooro


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#22 2016-03-12 09:26:17

bobbym
Administrator
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 107,739

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

He is not the only one.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#23 2016-03-12 14:19:15

Agnishom
Real Member
From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,574
Website

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Yes, I know.


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline

#24 2016-03-12 16:13:21

bobbym
Administrator
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 107,739

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

Remember Lacerta.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#25 2016-03-13 05:43:54

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 711

Re: The Big Bang Theory Jokes

I have never watched The Big Bang Theory, but reading this does make me laugh.

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