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#1 2008-05-04 14:48:17

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Joke of the day

I'll try and get a new one up every day, but I'm not always able to get to a computer every day. Anyways, enjoy.


Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lily pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. Its in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. “Are you gonna play golf?” he asks “Or are you just gonna fool around?”


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#2 2008-05-05 05:56:40

JaneFairfax
Member
Registered: 2007-02-23
Posts: 6,868

Re: Joke of the day

Isn’t Jesus cheating? tongue

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#3 2008-05-05 12:13:20

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

Define cheating...

Define Jesus...

Define Isn't...      big_smile big_smile big_smile

Now for today's joke:

Two dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. Paul said, "Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come", Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot.... With that Paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish.


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#4 2008-05-05 15:14:35

JohnnyReinB
Member
Registered: 2007-10-08
Posts: 453

Re: Joke of the day

...or maybe they'll get  different boat next time... tongue


"There is not a difference between an in-law and an outlaw, except maybe that an outlaw is wanted" wink

Nisi Quam Primum, Nequequam

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#5 2008-05-05 16:49:41

MathsIsFun
Administrator
Registered: 2005-01-21
Posts: 7,711

Re: Joke of the day

Silly ... they should have marked which SIDE of the boat they were getting the best fish from.


"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

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#6 2008-05-05 21:53:19

JaneFairfax
Member
Registered: 2007-02-23
Posts: 6,868

Re: Joke of the day

There is a Chinese anecdote about a man who actually did such a thing. He was on a boat trip when he accidentally dropped his sword into the water. He then marked a notch at the side of the boat where the sword had dropped. Meanwhile the boat continued moving. When it stopped, the man dived into the water at the marked spot to look for his sword – but of course he came up with nothing. tongue

The Chinese saying 刻舟求剑 (kè zhōu qiú jiàn), literally “mark boat to seek sword”, refers to the stupidity of acting without thinking about the consequences of one’s actions. smile

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%E5%88%BB … 2%E5%89%91

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#7 2008-05-06 02:06:04

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

Actually up before the crack of noon today. XD (This is what being off school does to me) Anyways here's an early one:

A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said: Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway. I know he replied, I thought I saw her move!


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#8 2008-05-06 22:30:30

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

Up early again today, but this time it's for my AP calc AB exam O.o
Wish me luck and here's the joke for today:

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it for the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
"One less lawyer . . ."


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#9 2008-05-06 23:03:59

Identity
Member
Registered: 2007-04-18
Posts: 934

Re: Joke of the day

Good luck on your exam svenbee!!!

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#10 2008-05-06 23:47:44

Ricky
Moderator
Registered: 2005-12-04
Posts: 3,791

Re: Joke of the day

Would be better with a "you have 2 years to live" premise, but that's just my opinion.


"In the real world, this would be a problem.  But in mathematics, we can just define a place where this problem doesn't exist.  So we'll go ahead and do that now..."

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#11 2008-05-07 11:48:00

blank_brunette
Member
Registered: 2008-03-27
Posts: 46

Re: Joke of the day

i dont understand it......


In this world of cheerios, be a fruitloop! ♥

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#12 2008-05-07 12:32:56

JaneFairfax
Member
Registered: 2007-02-23
Posts: 6,868

Re: Joke of the day

blank_brunette wrote:

i dont understand it......

By becoming a lawyer just before he died, the old man ensured that when he died the total number of lawyers in the world would go down by 1. roflol

Of course, there was really no net difference when you consider that just before the man died, the total number of lawyers in the world had gone up by 1 (namely the old man himself became a lawyer). The old man’s pleasure however lay in seeing the number come down – so much so that he was prepared to make it go up just to see it come down again. tongue

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#13 2008-05-07 13:16:36

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

Anyways, that AP Exam today... A good analogy would be to say that the test bent me over the desk and wailed mercilessly on my rear with a steak tenderizer. So.... Hope everyone else had a good day. O.o


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#14 2008-05-08 03:04:00

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

Hope everyone had (or is having, it's still morning here) a good morning a day to follow suit, here's the joke for today:

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#15 2008-05-08 09:16:59

MathsIsFun
Administrator
Registered: 2005-01-21
Posts: 7,711

Re: Joke of the day

Smart guy!


"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

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#16 2008-05-09 01:23:39

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

All right guys I'm SUPER excited today: it's graduation today!!!! I'm done with high school WOO HOO!!!!! Anyways, having gotten that out of the way and now I won't explode, here's today's joke:

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Ok, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#17 2008-05-09 10:41:48

coconut
Member
Registered: 2008-03-02
Posts: 9

Re: Joke of the day

poor doggie no 1 ever thoughthe could talk except 4 that owner


shimmy shimmy coconut shimmy shimmy nut

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#18 2008-05-09 15:47:02

JohnnyReinB
Member
Registered: 2007-10-08
Posts: 453

Re: Joke of the day

He really should have said DiMaggio, don't you think? big_smile


"There is not a difference between an in-law and an outlaw, except maybe that an outlaw is wanted" wink

Nisi Quam Primum, Nequequam

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#19 2008-05-10 04:47:48

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

Woot! Official high school graduate here. I can proudly say that I finished 5th in my class (even though it's only out of 115 ppl or so). Can't wait to start college. Woo times flies!! Here's today's joke:

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?"
"Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.

"Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down."

"Just because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man.

"No, because he's heavy," says the vet.


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#20 2008-05-10 06:05:13

John E. Franklin
Member
Registered: 2005-08-29
Posts: 3,588

Re: Joke of the day

In the Jesus and St. Peter one playing golf.
Both of them might be cheating.
For instance, St. Peter might have had an
influence on Jesus, and perhaps it is St. Peter
who affected the frog as well.  There is no
way to know why things occur!

Last edited by John E. Franklin (2008-05-10 06:05:52)


igloo myrtilles fourmis

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#21 2008-05-11 12:24:49

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

Well... Post-grad parties that go on for 2 days straight... enough said about that, here's the joke for today:

Two friends:
- I heard that you have made a band.
- Yes, it's a quartet.
- How many of you are there?
- There are three.
- Three?
- Me and my brother.
- You have a brother?
- No, why do you ask?


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#22 2008-05-11 22:14:12

JohnnyReinB
Member
Registered: 2007-10-08
Posts: 453

Re: Joke of the day

In the end... is he really there? big_smile


"There is not a difference between an in-law and an outlaw, except maybe that an outlaw is wanted" wink

Nisi Quam Primum, Nequequam

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#23 2008-05-11 23:25:40

MathsIsFun
Administrator
Registered: 2005-01-21
Posts: 7,711

Re: Joke of the day

SvenBee wrote:

Woot! Official high school graduate here. I can proudly say that I finished 5th in my class....

Congratulations, and very well done indeed.


"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

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#24 2008-05-12 01:23:03

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

Thank you very much mathisfun. Just so everyone knows I'll be here asking for lots of help in the future (I plan to be a math major), I'm going to college at WPI (Worcester Polytech Institute) in Mass. if anyone is familiar with it tell me the ups and downs. Anyways here's today's joke:



A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.
"Is there a problem Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the trunk if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"
The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you that old liar told you I was speeding, too!"


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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#25 2008-05-12 02:42:17

SvenBee
Member
Registered: 2008-03-08
Posts: 106

Re: Joke of the day

I'm feeling a funny picture today as well, this is for those blonde mathematicians out there XD :

funnymath2.gif


e...the red-headed stepchild of math.

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