You are not logged in.

- Topics: Active | Unanswered

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 102,306

Doesn't that just aggravate your adipose tissue? It does mine.

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.****If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.** **A number by itself is useful, but it is far more useful to know how accurate or certain that number is.**

Offline

Why? I think I like it

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'

'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 102,306

Hmmm, it looks nasty.

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.****If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.** **A number by itself is useful, but it is far more useful to know how accurate or certain that number is.**

Offline

Do you know an expression which you like?

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'

'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 102,306

That one is my favorite series. There is so much math wrapped up in it.

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.****If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.** **A number by itself is useful, but it is far more useful to know how accurate or certain that number is.**

Offline

**phrontister****Real Member**- From: The Land of Tomorrow
- Registered: 2009-07-12
- Posts: 4,282

The beloved maths teacher...

"The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do. The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do." - Ted Nelson

Offline

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'

'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline

**andrew12****Member**- Registered: 2014-01-10
- Posts: 3

An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care.

http://ny.pe

Offline

ganesh wrote:

Q: What did the baby acorn say when it grew up:

A: Gee, I'm a tree! (Geometry)

Q: Why did the polynomial tree fall down?

A: Because it had no real roots.

ganesh wrote:

Q: What's purple and commutes?

A: An abelian grape.

And for those familiar with set theory:

Q: Whats yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice?

A: Zorns lemon.

Offline

**L'Hopital****Member**- Registered: 2014-03-07
- Posts: 17

∞!=√(2*pi)

What do you get when you divide the circumference of the sun by it's diameter?

"Pie in the sky"

Churchill (drunk): You're ugly, woman!

Woman (horrified): You're drunk!

Churchill: Yes, but in the morning I shall be sober...

Offline

**eigenguy****Member**- Registered: 2014-03-18
- Posts: 78

ganesh wrote:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world:

Those who understand Binary and those who don't.

Borrowed from xkcd:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world:

Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who have heard of trinary.

"Having thus refreshed ourselves in the oasis of a proof, we now turn again into the desert of definitions." - Bröcker & Jänich

Offline

**addition****Member**- Registered: 2014-03-27
- Posts: 1

andrew12 wrote:

An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care.

Andrew12: that's a good one

when it comes to some mathematicians I know, it's 100% true

Offline

I agree.

'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline

**ganesh****Moderator**- Registered: 2005-06-28
- Posts: 20,102

Q. Why was the maths book sad?

A. Because it had too many problems.

Q. What's the king of the pencil case?

A. The ruler.

Q. What US state has the most maths teachers?

A. Mathachussets.

Q. Heard about the mathematical plant?

A. It has square roots.

Q. Which tables do you not have to learn?

A. Dinner tables.

Q. What tool do you use in maths?

A. Multi-plyers.

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A. Because 7 8 9!

Q. What do you get if you cross a maths teacher and a clock?

A. Arithma-ticks!

Q. What is 67 + 35 + 99 + 136 + 84?

A. A headache.

Q.How do you make one vanish?

A. Add a 'g' to the beginning and it's gone!

It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

**ganesh****Moderator**- Registered: 2005-06-28
- Posts: 20,102

Q: Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept?

A: She thought she’d be stung by the b.

Q: Who invented algebra?

A: A Clever X-pert.

Q: What do you call friends who love math?

A: algebros

Q: Why wont Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?

A: It’s too cubed.

Q: What is the hidden math term? BOLA BOLA

A: Parabolas (pair of bolas)

Q: What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom?

A: The quadratic formal.

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

A: Nothing! You know you can't cross a scalar and a vector.

Q: Why is an algebra book always unhappy?

A: Because it always has lots of problems.

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q: What is purple and commutative?

A: An abelian grape.

Q: Why did the relation need a math tutor?

A: It failed the vertical-line test.

Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit? A: By using a cod-ratic inequality.

Q: Why did the imaginary number turn red?

A: It ran out of i-drops.

Q: What is a proof?

A: One-half percent of alcohol.

Q: What did algebra math book say to the other?

A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

Q: What is the definition of a polar bear?

A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation

Q: Why did all the apples in the fruit bowl know each other?

A: They were core-relations.

Q: Why was the matrix arrested?

A: Illegal entry.

Q: What do you call a rodent with babies?

A: A quad-rat-ic parent.

Q: What do you get when you cross a linebacker with a computer geek?

A: A linear programmer.

Q: Why is the Rational Root Theorem so polite?

A: It minds its p’s and q’s.

Q: Why did the polynomial plant wilt?

A: Its roots were imaginary.

Q: How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?

A: She said all that candy gave me exponential decay.

Q: How did the chicken find the inverse?

A: It reflected the function across y = eggs.

Q: Why did the doctor send the expression to a psychiatrist?

A: Because it wasn’t rational.

Q: How can you predict how many protesters will show up at a rally?

A: By using a radical function.

Q: Why are you drumming on your algebra book with two big sticks?

A: Because we are studying log rhythms.

Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks three cups of coffee?

A: A hyper boa.

Q: What is a smart bird favorite type of math?

A: owl-gebra.

Q: How can you tell when a factorial is enthusiastic?

A: It’s always enthusiastic- it has an exclamation point!

Q: What do you call an algebra teacher who takes his vacations at the beach?

A: A tangent.

Q: What wild animal is good at algebra?

A: The tangent lion.

Q: Why are you so negative?

A: Just take me for my absolute value!

It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 102,306

Hi ganesh;

A hyper boa! Very good.

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.****If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.**

Offline

**ganesh****Moderator**- Registered: 2005-06-28
- Posts: 20,102

I am happy you liked them, bobbym! Thanks a lot!

It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

**ShivamS****Member**- Registered: 2011-02-07
- Posts: 3,648

Nice jokes, ganesh!

Here is another one

A person named ganesh told someone a math joke.

ganesh wrote:

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A. Because 7 8 9!

The person who heard the joke said:

Person wrote:

That doesn't make sense. 6 was afraid of 7 because of 7 8 362880?

Offline

**ganesh****Moderator**- Registered: 2005-06-28
- Posts: 20,102

Very funny, ShivamS!

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline

ganesh wrote:

Very funny, ShivamS!

I guess you do not mean the factorial of shivams in base 36?

'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 102,306

The meaning of the joke has been lost somewhat.

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.****If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.**

Offline

Why is that?

'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 102,306

The exclamation mark is now gone!

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.****If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.**

Offline

From where? Are you editing things?

'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Offline