Jokes galore......

Jai Ganesh · 2009-01-21 01:01:30

JaneFairfax wrote:

Yay! I also prefer geography to history.

Same me too!

Talking of geography reminds me of a very old joke...but I ain't sure if you've heard of it....

Teacher : Which is nearer to this town, Tokyo or the moon?
Student : The moon!
Teacher : How do you say that?
Student : 'cos you can see the moon, you can't see Tokyo from here

Jai Ganesh · 2009-01-21 01:09:44

lightning wrote:

is the Civil war a place??!

Here is a page on the subject. I hope you find it helpful!

lightning · 2009-01-21 03:53:40

it is! yeah, so civil wars are wars? only it isnt like trenches and stuff, and its back, like, ages ago. it just shooting, right?

careless25 · 2009-01-21 16:13:32

no civil wars are any wars that are fought within a country and they continue to happen throughout history. No its not just guns and shooting, it could be throwing rocks, home-made bombs, etc.

lightning · 2009-01-22 04:54:15

ahh, i see...

JaneFairfax · 2009-01-22 09:41:19

Classical-music jokes:

Q: What did the musician say to her children before popping out to the supermarket?
A: Ill be Bach in a Minuet!

Q: What did the musician take with her to the supermarket?
A: A Chopin Liszt.

Q: While the musician was at the supermarket, what were her children doing?
A: Playing Haydn seek.

lightning · 2009-01-22 09:50:55

those are good jane, i totally get them. i am going to take music and to pass you need to be able to play 2 instruments, it will be hard.
Jane did you get NABs when you went to high school?

JaneFairfax · 2009-01-22 11:12:05

NABs? Arent those only awarded in Scotland?

Anyway

The musician who went Chop I mean shopping was the wife of an army officer ranking between captain and colonel. When she returned home, she realized that she had forgotten her keys and was locked out. The doorbell was not working, the children were all in the back garden, and none of them could hear her furious knocking and shouting at the front door. Just then she saw her husband coming home from the local pub. She gave a sigh of relief. But in his state of tipsiness, he crossed the road carelessly and was flattened by a bus. The musician ran across to her husbands body, searched in his pockets, and found what she wanted. THE KEY OF A FLAT MAJOR!

Muggleton · 2009-01-22 13:01:05

JaneFairfax wrote:

Q: While the musician was at the supermarket, what were her children doing?
A: Playing Haydn seek.

I thought they were playing fluteball.

lightning · 2009-01-23 03:33:43

HAhaha....ha fluteball - nice one!

JaneFairfax · 2009-01-25 09:59:41

A schoolboy from a poor family decided to save money on bus fares, so one day he walked home from school instead of taking a bus. When his dad came home from work, he told his dad: Daddy, I saved us £1 today! I didnt take the bus home, I ran behind it instead!

To the boys surprise, his father was unimpressed. Stupid boy! If you had run behind a taxi instead, you would have saved £5!

Jai Ganesh · 2009-01-25 16:44:54

Good one, Jane!

A teenage boy sends a love letter to a girl in a Medical college, written with his blood.
The girl replies :
Blood Group : O positive, Hb% : Within normal limits, HIV Negative.

lightning · 2009-01-26 09:18:30

JaneFairfax wrote:

NABs? Arent those only awarded in Scotland?

I thinks NABs are tests to get into an imtermediate, and i live in scotland. Ahh the countryside.

Anyway its a whole new system, no more 'o' grades what ever they were... we do exams and NABs, i think. i didn't go to the meating thing after school with my mum or dad, so i don't exactly know but i remember our head saying something about failing or passing a NAB.

are NABs awards? What exactly am i talking about here?

JaneFairfax · 2009-01-26 11:42:34

Anyway, lightning, so youre familiar with classical music? Im glad you do. Other people just cant HANDEL such music.

Sorry, I should have said this earlier, but it its just occurred to me.

Jai Ganesh · 2009-02-07 18:45:50

Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
Because his dad became a mummy!

JaneFairfax · 2009-02-10 07:19:44

Patient: Doctor, doctor! Im shrinking! Help me, quick!

Doctor: Now then, youll just have to be a little patient.

lightning · 2009-02-11 06:47:11

hehe i get that lol!

clasical music? no i dont like it i like pop and rave.... dance

JaneFairfax · 2009-02-17 04:10:07

A blonde notices a group of boys running around kicking a ball and one boy standing alone by himself.

She goes up to him and says, Why arent you playing with your friends?

I am, replies the boy.

But you are standing here all by yourself, says the blonde.

The boy replies, a bit angrily, Thats because Im the goalkeeper!

lightning · 2009-02-17 07:53:58

LOL!! nice one!

Jai Ganesh · 2009-02-27 04:16:59

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, and minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God.

"God? You there, God?" he asked

"Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered.

"Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked.

"Go ahead, my son, anything."

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God answered, "A million years to me is only a second."

The man asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny."

The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question. "God, can I have a penny?"

God answered, "Sure, give me a second."
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There was a guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stayed like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up next to him, took the drink from the guy, and drank it all down.

The poor man started crying. The truck driver said, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I was late getting to my office. My boss was outrageous, and fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and when I left it, I remembered I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drove away. I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

JaneFairfax · 2009-02-27 07:09:32

ganesh wrote:

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A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God.
"God? You there, God?" he asked
"Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered.
"Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked.
"Go ahead, my son, anything."
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God answered, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny."
The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question. "God, can I have a penny?"
God answered, "Sure, give me a second."
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Laterally Speaking · 2009-03-01 07:16:18

I can't believe so few of you appreciate the importance of history! How can you claim to be good citizens without reflecting on the way the institutions came about? Sure, it's important to know where countries are, but knowing the history of the peoples' cultures is far more important...

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One day, a pastor was giving a sermon on the vices of alcohol and the importance3 of temperance. He said, "If I could have all the whiskey in the world, I would take it and throw it in the river!" A woman stood up and announced, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river, too!" A man stood up and replied, "And if I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it all in the river, as well!"

The chorus leader then stood up, and with a small grin, announced: "And for our closing, we will sing hymn #267, 'Let us gather at the river'"

Jai Ganesh · 2009-03-06 04:07:52

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

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A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got Cancer."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have Cancer."

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A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"

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The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..." A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir."

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Two women who were dog owners were arguing about which dog is smarter....
First Woman : "My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.
Second Woman : "I know..."
First Woman : "How?"
Second Woman : "My dog told me."

Jai Ganesh · 2009-03-11 18:04:25

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

Jai Ganesh · 2009-03-18 23:48:36

A couple drove down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied. "In-laws."

Math Is Fun Forum

#26 2009-01-21 01:01:30

Re: Jokes galore......

#27 2009-01-21 01:09:44

Re: Jokes galore......

#28 2009-01-21 03:53:40

Re: Jokes galore......

#29 2009-01-21 16:13:32

Re: Jokes galore......

#30 2009-01-22 04:54:15

Re: Jokes galore......

#31 2009-01-22 09:41:19

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#32 2009-01-22 09:50:55

Re: Jokes galore......

#33 2009-01-22 11:12:05

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#34 2009-01-22 13:01:05

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#35 2009-01-23 03:33:43

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#36 2009-01-25 09:59:41

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#37 2009-01-25 16:44:54

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#38 2009-01-26 09:18:30

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#39 2009-01-26 11:42:34

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#40 2009-02-07 18:45:50

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#41 2009-02-10 07:19:44

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#42 2009-02-11 06:47:11

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#43 2009-02-17 04:10:07

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#44 2009-02-17 07:53:58

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#45 2009-02-27 04:16:59

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#46 2009-02-27 07:09:32

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#47 2009-03-01 07:16:18

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#48 2009-03-06 04:07:52

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#49 2009-03-11 18:04:25

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#50 2009-03-18 23:48:36

Re: Jokes galore......

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