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**ganesh****Moderator**- Registered: 2005-06-28
- Posts: 22,972

Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?

A: The wrong answer.

Q: Why is “U” the happiest letter?

A: Because it is in the middle of “fun”.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

A: Claustrophobic.

Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?

A: The mermaid.

Q: What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A: A cartoon.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: Fsh.

Q : What to you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No eye deer.

Q: What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A: A piano.

Q: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

A: It's time to go to sweep.

Q: What's round and bad-tempered?

A: A vicious circle.

Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?

A: They get toad.

Q: What do you do when your chair breaks?

A: Call a chairman.

It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: Fsh.

Every time I tell this joke, I always get the same funny look from the person I'm telling it to!

**LearnMathsFree: Videos on various topics.New: Integration Problem | Adding FractionsPopular: Continued Fractions | Metric Spaces | Duality**

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**ganesh****Moderator**- Registered: 2005-06-28
- Posts: 22,972

Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?

A: They were right for each other

Q: Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging?

A: Because X was always 10

Q. Why was the math book sad?

A. Because it had so many problems.

Q: What is a bird's favorite type of math?

A: Owl-gebra

Q: Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?

A: Because it was over 90 degrees

Q: Why do plants hate math?

A: Because it gives them square roots.

Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?

A: A natural log cabin!

Q: What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?

A: A Tangent

Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks five cups of coffee?

A: A hyper boa

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?

A: An Algorithm

Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable?

A: acute angle

Q: Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

A: It was a 'mean' thing to say!

Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?

A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them

Q: Why did the polynomial plant die?

A: Its roots were imaginary.

Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?

A: Because there is no point!

Q. What happened to the indeterminate form that got sick?

A: It had to go to L'Hospital

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?

A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?

A: A high-pot-in-use

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?

A: They already 8!

Q: Why didn't Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?

A: It was too cubed

Q: Which triangles are the coldest?

A: Ice-sosceles triangles

Q: Who invented the Round Table?

A: Sir Cumference

Q: Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?

A: She covers the story from every angle

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?

A: By using a cod-ratic inequality

Q: What is the definition of a polar bear?

A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation

Q: Why is the Rational Root Theorem so polite?

A: It minds its p's and q's

Q: Why did the boy eat his math homework?

A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?

A: Probably

Q: How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?

A: She said all that candy gave me exponential decay

Q: What is polite and works for the phone company?

A: A deferential operator

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

A: Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Q. What's the king of the pencil case?

A. The ruler.

Q. What tool do you use in mathematics?

A. Multi-plyers.

Q. What's purple and commutes?

A. An Abelian grape.

Q: What's yellow and imaginary?

A: The square-root of negative banana

Q: How do deaf mathematicians communicate?

A: They use sine language

Q: What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces?

A: Natural Logs

Q: How do you make one vanish?

A: Add a 'g' to the beginning and it's gone!

Q: Why shouldn't you argue with a decimal?

A: Decimals always have a point.

Q: How is an artificial christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?

A: Neither has real roots.

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still?

A: A roamin' numeral.

Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle?

A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?

A: "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times…"

Q: What polygon is also a card trick?

A: Decagon

Q: Why did the statistician drown while crossing a river?

A: It was 3 feet deep... on average

Q: What do you call it when a mathematician's parrot hasn't been fed?

A: Poly"no meal"

Q: How do you solve any equation?

A: Multiply both sides by zero.

It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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