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#1 2015-08-11 22:13:12

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Q & A

Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?
A: The wrong answer.

Q: Why is “U” the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of “fun”.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.

Q: What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A: A cartoon.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh.
 
Q : What to you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.

Q:  What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A: A piano.

Q: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A: It's time to go to sweep.

Q: What's round and bad-tempered?
A:  A vicious circle.

Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?
A: They get toad.

Q: What do you do when your chair breaks?
A: Call a chairman.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#2 2015-09-03 22:43:19

zetafunc
Moderator
Registered: 2014-05-21
Posts: 2,188
Website

Re: Q & A

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh.

Every time I tell this joke, I always get the same funny look from the person I'm telling it to!

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#3 2015-11-20 13:59:07

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?
A: They were right for each other

Q: Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging?
A: Because X was always 10

Q. Why was the math book sad?
A. Because it had so many problems.

Q: What is a bird's favorite type of math?
A: Owl-gebra

Q: Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
A: Because it was over 90 degrees

Q: Why do plants hate math?
A: Because it gives them square roots.

Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?
A: A natural log cabin!

Q: What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?
A: A Tangent

Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks five cups of coffee?
A: A hyper boa

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
A: An Algorithm

Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable?
A: acute angle

Q: Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
A: It was a 'mean' thing to say!

Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?
A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them

Q: Why did the polynomial plant die?
A: Its roots were imaginary.

Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?
A: Because there is no point!

Q. What happened to the indeterminate form that got sick?
A: It had to go to L'Hospital

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
A: A high-pot-in-use

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?
A: They already 8!

Q: Why didn't Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
A: It was too cubed

Q: Which triangles are the coldest?
A: Ice-sosceles triangles

Q: Who invented the Round Table?
A: Sir Cumference

Q: Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?
A: She covers the story from every angle

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?
A: By using a cod-ratic inequality

Q: What is the definition of a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation

Q: Why is the Rational Root Theorem so polite?
A: It minds its p's and q's

Q: Why did the boy eat his math homework?
A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?
A: Probably

Q: How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?
A: She said all that candy gave me exponential decay

Q: What is polite and works for the phone company?
A: A deferential operator

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Q. What's the king of the pencil case?
A. The ruler.

Q. What tool do you use in mathematics?
A. Multi-plyers.

Q. What's purple and commutes?
A. An Abelian grape.

Q: What's yellow and imaginary?
A: The square-root of negative banana

Q: How do deaf mathematicians communicate?
A: They use sine language

Q: What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces?
A: Natural Logs

Q: How do you make one vanish?
A: Add a 'g' to the beginning and it's gone!

Q: Why shouldn't you argue with a decimal?
A: Decimals always have a point.

Q: How is an artificial christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?
A: Neither has real roots.

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still?
A: A roamin' numeral.

Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle?
A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
A: "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times…"

Q: What polygon is also a card trick?
A: Decagon

Q: Why did the statistician drown while crossing a river?
A: It was 3 feet deep... on average

Q: What do you call it when a mathematician's parrot hasn't been fed?
A: Poly"no meal"

Q: How do you solve any equation?
A: Multiply both sides by zero.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#4 2018-01-04 21:18:38

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."

Q: What do you call a pile of kittens
A: a meowntain

Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.

Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies?
A: An ambulance.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It's sweeping the nation!

Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
A: An irrelephant.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.

Q: Where do crayons go on vacation?
A: Color-ado!

Q: Why did the belt get arrested?
A: He held up a pair of pants.

Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.

Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell.

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Which is the building is the largest?
A: The library because it has the most stories.

Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A: A Yamahahaha

Q: Where did the computer go to dance?
A: To a disc-o.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A: USB

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.

Q: Did you hear about the hairdresser?
A: She dyed.

Q: What do you call a musician with problems?
A: a trebled man.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.

Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#5 2018-01-05 01:43:52

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 1,160

Re: Q & A

ganesh wrote:

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.

I still don't know why such thing was called a thesaurus. Thesaurus -> The saurus -> The lizard?


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away. May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

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#6 2018-01-05 14:53:20

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.

I still don't know why such thing was called a thesaurus. Thesaurus -> The saurus -> The lizard?

Meaning and Origin of the word : thesaurus

Meaning:

1. a dictionary of synonyms and antonyms.
2. any dictionary, encyclopedia, or other comprehensive reference book.
3. a storehouse, repository, or treasury.
4. Computers.
a) an index to information stored in a computer, consisting of a comprehensive list of subjects concerning which information may be retrieved by using the proper key terms.
b) a dictionary of synonyms and antonyms stored in memory for use in word processing.

Origin : n.
1823, "treasury, storehouse," from Latin thesaurus "treasury, treasure," from Greek thesauros "a treasure, treasury, storehouse, chest," from root of tithenai "to put, to place." The meaning "encyclopedia filled with information" is from 1840, but existed earlier as thesaurarie (1590s), used as a title by early dictionary compilers. Meaning "collection of words arranged according to sense" is first attested 1852 in Roget's title. Thesaur is attested in Middle English with the meaning "treasure" (15c.-16c.).


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#7 2018-01-10 18:18:19

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?
A: He got stuck in Orbit.

Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.

Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.

Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A: So he could have sweet dreams.

Q: What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
A: Shakespeare.

Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes.

Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

Q: What do you call a funny mountain?
A: Hill-arious.

Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella.

Q: Did you hear about the calendar thief?
A: He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered.

Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: Two's company, three's a cloud.

Q: Why did the balloon burst?
A: Because is saw a lolly pop.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!

Q: Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard?
A: A barber.

Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race
A: Sherbet.

Q: What do you call a dentist in the army?
A: A drill sergeant.

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: Your pointless!

Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of?
A: Trouble.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him?
A: The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.

Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in High School!

Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!

Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!

Q: What do you call a magician on a plane?
A: A flying sorcerer!

Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry?
A: Urgent Tina.

Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory
A: He couldn't concentrate!

Q: Can I tell you a joke about paper.
A: Nah, never mind, its tearable.

Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#8 2018-01-21 16:49:33

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Questions and Answers

Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.

Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes.

Q: What do you call a funny mountain?
A: hill-arious.

Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: Two's company, three's a cloud.

Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?
A: When you're eating a watermelon!

Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A: She couldn't control her pupils!

Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion.

Q: What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A: The Space bar!

Q: What did the digital watch say to his grandfather?
A: Look grandpa no hands!

Q: What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night?
A: The Day-zzz.

Q: What goes up and down but doesn't move?
A: The temperature!

Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!

Q: Why is a 2016 calendar more popular than a 2015 calendar?
A: It has more dates.

Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#9 2018-01-29 01:34:17

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
A: Because they were watch dogs.

Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing it just waved

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.

Q: Which two letters in the alphabet are always jealous?
A: NV.

Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
A: "Someday my prints will come."

Q: Why are fish easy to weigh?
A: Because they have their own scales.

Q: What is tall when it is young and short when it is old?
A: A candle.

Q: Why did the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia stay up all night?
A: She was wondering if there really is a dog.

Q: What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
A: A jeweler sells watches and a jailer watches cells.

Q: Where do bees go to the toilet?
A: The BP station.

Q. Why are mountains not just funny?
A. They are also hill areas.

Q: What has a face and two hands but no arms, legs, or a body?
A: A clock.

Q: What do you call a wandering caveman?
A: A meanderthal.

Q: What did the buffalo say to her child as he left for school?
A: "Bison!" (bye son)

Q: What is a question with a different answer every time you're asked?
A: "What time is it?"

Q: Why did the archaeologist's wife divorce him?
A: Because he was carbon dating.

Q: What did the astronaut say when he wanted to be alone?
A: "Give me some space!"

Q: When are holes beautiful?
A: When they're gorges.

Q: What's a race car's favorite thing to eat for lunch?
A: Fast food!

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

Q: What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
A: I lava you.

Q: What did the cross-eyed teacher say?
A: I can't control my pupils!

Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!

Q: Why did Cinderella fail at basketball?
A: Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.

Q. Why did the apple run away?
A. Because the banana split!

Q. What's a shark's favorite sandwich?
A. Peanut butter and jellyfish!

Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?
A: So they can walk.

Q: What did one hat say to another?
A: You stay here, I’ll go on a head.

Q: What do you do with a sick boat?
A: Take it to the doc.

Q: How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A: Buy a deck of cards.

Q: Wanna hear a joke about construction?
A: Never mind, I'm still working on it.

Q: What type of book has only characters and no story?
A: A telephone book.

Q: What did one ocean say to another ocean?
A: Nothing. It just waved.

Q: What did the magnet say to the other magnet?
A: I find you very attractive!

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a 1,000 letters?
A: Post office.

Q: What stays in one corner but travels around the world?
A: A stamp.

Q: Why didn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck.

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
A: Because it's two tired.

Q: Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
A: They always get stuck at "c."

Q: Why is the letter B very cool?
A: Because it's sitting in the AC.

Q: Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A: A taxi driver.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#10 2018-01-30 17:25:54

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

* * *
Q: What's a frog's favorite drink?
A: Croak-a cola.

* * *
Q: Did you hear about oxygen's second date with potassium?
A: It was OK2!

* * *
Q: What does a cat like to eat with birthday cake?
A: Mice cream!

* * *
Q: Why did the fish cross the sea?
A: To get to the other tide.

* * *
Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz.

* * *
Q: Why do pirates only have 1 eye?
A: Because in the word pirate there is only one i.

* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#11 2018-01-30 21:28:23

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: Where do crayons go on vacation?
A: Color-ado!

* * *
Q: What is heavy forward but not backward?
A: Ton.

* * *
Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.

* * *
Q: How do you make an Octupus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.

* * *
Q: What's the first bet that most people make in their lives?
A: The alpha bet.

* * *
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!

* * *
Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweetment.

* * *
Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A: The scientists were brainstorming!

* * *
Q: Why can't a leopard hide?
A: Because he's always spotted!

* * *
Q: Why does a hummingbird hum?
A: It doesn't know the words!

* * *
Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?
A: Nostralgia.

* * *

Q: Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases?
A: Their making headlines.

* * *

Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A: To reach the high notes.

* * *

Q: What do you call a book that's about the brain?
A: A mind reader.

* * *

Q: I can run but not walk, have a mouth but can't talk, and in a bed, I do not sleep. What am I?
A: A River.

* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#12 2018-01-31 14:23:31

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 1,160

Re: Q & A

ganesh wrote:

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!

Just last Saturday, there was someone who referred to a sleeping bulldog as a bulldozer.


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away. May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

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#13 2018-01-31 14:58:56

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Coincidence, Monox D. I-Fly!

Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A: To draw the curtains!

* * *
Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
A: The road!

* * *
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!

* * *
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator!

* * *
Q: What do you get when you plant kisses?
A: Tu-lips (two-lips)!

* * *
Q: What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
A: Cool Music.

* * *
Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: An irrelephant.

* * *
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

* * *
Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.

* * *
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!

* * *
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: “Where’s Popcorn?”

* * *
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

* * *
Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.

* * *
Q: What to you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.

* * *
Q: What clothes does a house wear?
A: Address.

* * *
Q: What country makes you shiver?
A: Chile.

* * *
Q: What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A: A piano.

* * *
Q: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A: It's time to go to sweep.

* * *
Q: What did the necktie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

* * *
Q: What's round and bad-tempered?
A: A vicious circle.

* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#14 2018-02-02 15:38:51

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
A: The don’t meet the koalafications.
* * *
Q: What do you call bears with no ears?
A: B.
* * *
Q: What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
A: Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
* * *
Q: What often falls but never gets hurt?
A: Rain.
* * *
Q: What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
* * *
Q: What gets wet with drying?
A: A towel.
* * *
Q: What 3 letters change a girl into a woman?
A: AGE.
* * *
Q: What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution
* * *
Q: What two words, when combined hold the most letters?
A: Post Office.
* * *
Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A: One! After that, it's not empty.
* * *
Q: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A: Wet.
* * *
Q: Can you name the two days starting with T besides Tuesday and Thursday?
A: Today and tomorrow.
* * *
Q: How many times can you take 5 from 25?
A: 1, after that, it's 20.
* * *
Q: What the exact middle of America?
A: The letter "r".
* * *
Q: How do you walk on water?
A: Freeze it first.
* * *
Q: If there are three apples & you took away two, how many do you have?
A: Two...because YOU took two.
* * *
Q: Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg is white" or "The yolk of the egg are white?"
A: Neither is correct. Egg yolks are yellow, not white.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#15 2018-02-04 15:29:33

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
A: Because he was a little shellfish
* * *
Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match
* * *
Q: Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A: Because his mom and dad were in a jam.
* * *
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time .
* * *
Q: Where do pencils go for vacation?
A: Pencil-vania
* * *
Q: Why couldn't the pony sing himself a lullaby?
A: He was a little hoarse.
* * *
Q: How do hens cheer for their team?
A: They egg them on!
* * *
Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
* * *
Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A: Hi Cliff!
* * *
Q: When does Friday come before Thursday?
A: In the dictionary!
* * *
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone!
* * *
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.
* * *
Q: Which U.S. State has the smallest soft drinks?
A: Mini-soda.
* * *
Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
A: Reality.
* * *
Q: Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
A: He takes things personally.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#16 2018-02-04 16:07:17

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: Where do cows hang their paintings?
A: In the mooo-seum.
* * *
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
* * *
Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
A: Wait at a buzz stop!
* * *
Q: What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A: A Cat-astrophe.
* * *
Q: What do you give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid!
* * *
Q: What do they call cans in Mexico?
A: Mexi-cans
* * *
Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
A: Bison.
* * *
Q: What would Bears be without Bees?
A: Ears.
* * *
Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: I don't know and I don't care.
* * *
Q: Why are penguins socially awkward?
A: Because they can't break the ice.
* * *
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
* * *
Q: What streets do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead ends!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#17 2018-02-06 16:41:03

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: What exam do young witches have to pass?
A: A spell-ing test!
* * *
Q: What is heavy forward but not backward?
A: Ton.
* * *
Q: What is the tallest building in the world?
A: The library! It has the most stories!
* * *
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill.”
* * *
Q: What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
A: The Telephone.
* * *
Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
* * *
Q: Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports?
A: Because she always ran away from the ball.
* * *
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you will rise and shine!
* * *
Q: Why did the scarecrow win the competition?
A: He was 'outstanding' in his field!
* * *
Q: Why can't fishermen be generous?
A: Because their business makes them sell fish!
* * *
Q: Why do soccer players do so well in math?
A: They know how to use their heads!
* * *
Q: Why was the tree excited about the future?
A: It was ready to turn over a new leaf!
* * *
Q: Why did the duck go to rehab?
A: Because he was a quack addict!
* * *
Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A: The scientists were brainstorming!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#18 2018-02-07 03:29:02

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: How do you make seven an even number?
A: Take the s out!
* * *
Q: Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
A: Because she sprained her angle!!
* * *
Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
A: It’s two gross.
* * *
Q: Why did the mutually exclusive events break up?
A: They had nothing in common.
* * *
Q: How do you call the largest accumulation point of poles?
A: Warsaw!
* * *
Q: What is a mathematician’s favorite season?
A: Sum-mer.
* * *
Q: Have you heard about the mathematical plant?
A: It has square roots.
* * *
Q. What is 67 + 35 + 99 + 136 + 84?
A. A headache.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#19 2018-02-07 21:03:23

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: Peter’s smart phone fell into a big mug of coffee but didn’t get wet. How was this possible?
A: It was coffee powder.
* * *
Q: I have 4 legs but never run. What am I?
A: A chair.
* * *
Q: Do you know what you can hold without ever touching it?
A: A conversation.
* * *
Q: What can answer in any language?
A: An echo.
* * *
Q: What’s as big as an elephant but weighs 0 kg?
A: The elephant’s shadow.
* * *
Q: What has two legs but cannot walk?
A: A pair of trousers.
* * *
Q: What falls down but is never injured?
A: The rain.
* * *
Q: What disappears the second you start talking about it?
A: Silence.
* * *
Q: What word do all dictionaries spell wrong?
A: Wrong.
* * *
Q: What goes up when the water comes down?
A: An umbrella.
* * *
Q: What can you serve, but you seldom see eaten?
A: A volleyball.
* * *
Q: What table can you eat?
A: A vegetable.
* * *
Q: On which side do chickens have the most feathers?
A: On the outside.
* * *
Q: Why can't the T-rex clap?
A: Because he's extinct.
* * *
Q: What question can never be answered with a yes?
A: Are you asleep?
* * *
Q: What is at the center of Earth?
A: An R. (eaRth).
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#20 2018-02-08 01:09:40

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.
* * *
Q: Why couldn't the pony sing?
A: Because she was a little hoarse.
* * *
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie?
A: A pie-thon!
* * *
Q: Why did the chicken get a penalty?
A: For fowl play.
* * *
Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He was peeling really bad.
* * *
Q: How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
A: When it's full.
* * *
Q: What kind of music do planets listen to?
A: Nep-tunes.
* * *
Q: Why did the opera singer go sailing?
A: She wanted to hit the high Cs.
* * *
Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod!
* * *
Q: Why did the boy bring the ladder to school?
A: He was going to high school.
* * *
Q: Why was the student's report card wet?
A: It was below C level!
* * *
Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses inside?
A: Her students were so bright!
* * *
Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A: Because they're always stuffed!
* * *
Q: What runs around a yard without actually moving?
A: A fence.
* * *
Q: What starts with the letter "t," is filled with "t," and ends in "t"?
A: A teapot.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#21 2018-02-08 18:19:32

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q:  What clothes does a house wear?
A: Address.
* * *
Q: What country makes you shiver?
A: Chile.
* * *
Q: What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A: A piano.
* * *
Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!
* * *
Q: What did the tailor think of her new job?
A: It was sew sew.
* * *
Q: What did the man say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!
* * *
Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
A: He didn't count with this...
* * *
Q: How do you tell that a crab is drunk?
A: It walks forwards.
* * *
Q: What does a cloud with an itchy rash do?
A: Finds the nearest skyscraper.
* * *
Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!
* * *
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.
* * *
Q: What disappears the second you start talking about it?
A: Silence.
* * *
Q: Maybe I can hear everything but you'll never hear me say a word. Who am I?
A: Your ear.
* * *
Q: A man goes out in heavy rain with nothing to protect him from it. His hair doesn’t get wet. How does he do that?
A: He is bald.
* * *
Q: When a child is going to school for the first time, where will it sit?
A: Nowhere, it is still going.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#22 2018-02-10 00:33:31

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: What part of the car is the laziest?
A: The wheels, because they are always tired!
* * *
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!
* * *
Q: Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
A: They had just finished a March of 31 days.
* * *
Q: Which hand is it better to write with?
A: Neither, it's best to write with a pen!
* * *
Q: How do you cure a headache?
A: Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!
* * *
Q: What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A: A minnie van!
* * *
Q: Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming?
A: Because they take too long to change!
* * *
Q: When do astronauts eat?
A: At launch time!
* * *
Q: Why didn't the sun go to college?
A: Because it already had a million degrees!
* * *
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
* * *
Q: Did you hear the one about the germ?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
* * *
Q: What do they call cans in mexico?
A: Mexi-cans.
* * *
Q: What did one egg say to the other?
A: Eggs-cuse me,please!
* * *
Q: What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A:A slipper.
* * *
Q: What’s a moth’s life motto?
A: Always look on the bright side!
* * *
Q: What bow can’t be tied?
A: A Rainbow!
* * *
Q: What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
A: Remorse code!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#23 2018-02-10 17:32:57

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
* * *
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
* * *
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
* * *
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
* * *
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.
* * *
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
* * *
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.
* * *
Q: What kind of coat is always wet when you put it on?
A: A coat of paint.
* * *
Q: What do you call a bear without an ear?
A: A “b”.
* * *
Q: Why was the chef embarrassed?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing!
* * *
Q: What do you break before you use it?
A: An egg!
* * *
Q: A man rode in to town on Tuesday, and left two days later on Tuesday. How so?
A: His horse is named Tuesday!
* * *
Q: Why is the letter A the most like a flower?
A: Because the B is after it.
* * *
Q: Which is the most curious letter?
A: Y?
* * *
Q: What do pandas have that no other animal has?
A: Baby pandas!
* * *
Q: Why can’t someone living in Maine be buried in Florida?
A: Because he’s still living!
* * *
Q: What word begins and ends with an E, but only has one letter?
A: Envelope!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#24 2018-02-11 00:03:04

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: What do you call a thieving alligator?
A: A Crookodile.
* * *
Q: What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A: A Maybe.
* * *
Q: Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
* * *
Q: Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A: He’ll dessert you.
* * *
Q: What do you call a classy fish?
A: Sofishticated.
* * *
Q: When is homework not homework?
A: When it's turned into the teacher.
* * *
Q: If a pirate was to join the military, what branch of the armed service would they probably go in to?
A: The navy, they love the sea!
* * *
Q: How do you make the number one disappear by adding to it?
A: Add the letter 'G' and it's 'Gone'.
* * *
Q: What is the only question you can't answer yes to?
A: Are you dead? (assuming you are dead) Every other question you can answer 'yes' even if you are wrong.
* * *
Q: What horse never comes out in the daytime?
A: A night mare.
* * *
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
* * *
Q: What bird can lift the most?
A: The crane.
* * *
Q: Ben’s dad has five sons, whom he named East, West, North, South… Can you guess what would be the name of the fifth son?
A: Ben is the fifth son!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#25 2018-02-11 18:55:44

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 24,267

Re: Q & A

Q: How can you make a golden soup?
A: Just add 24 carrots to the soup!
* * *
Q: What kind of a star can be risky?
A: A shooting star!
* * *
Q: In which bank Dracula like to save money?
A: In a blood bank!
* * *
Q: What is the first step to getting rich?
A: Learn to shut up, as silence is golden.
* * *
Q: What goes around a field but does not move?
A: The fence.
* * *
Q: Which is the easiest way to make a cigarette “lighter”?
A: Simple – just take out the tobacco.
* * *
Q: What happens when you eat alphabet soup?
A: You swallow your words.
* * *
Q: What happens to a refrigerator when you shut off its power?
A: It loses its cool.
* * *
Q: What happens when you cross a pie with a snake?
A: A pie-thon [python].
* * *
Q: Which animals are found on legal documents?
A: Seals.
* * *
Q: Which fish swims only at night?
A: The starfish.
* * *
Q: Name a ten-letter word that starts with gas.
A: The automobile.
* * *
Q: Spot the difference between a bus driver and a cold.
A: While one knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
* * *
Q: What people are similar to the end of a book?
A: The Finnish.
* * *
Q: Why did the orchestra have bad manners?
A: Without a conductor, it did not know how to conduct itself properly.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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