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#1 2015-08-11 22:13:12

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,578

Q & A

Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?
A: The wrong answer.

Q: Why is “U” the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of “fun”.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.

Q: What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A: A cartoon.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh.
 
Q : What to you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.

Q:  What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A: A piano.

Q: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A: It's time to go to sweep.

Q: What's round and bad-tempered?
A:  A vicious circle.

Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?
A: They get toad.

Q: What do you do when your chair breaks?
A: Call a chairman.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#2 2015-09-03 22:43:19

zetafunc
Moderator
Registered: 2014-05-21
Posts: 2,154
Website

Re: Q & A

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh.

Every time I tell this joke, I always get the same funny look from the person I'm telling it to!

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#3 2015-11-20 13:59:07

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,578

Re: Q & A

Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?
A: They were right for each other

Q: Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging?
A: Because X was always 10

Q. Why was the math book sad?
A. Because it had so many problems.

Q: What is a bird's favorite type of math?
A: Owl-gebra

Q: Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
A: Because it was over 90 degrees

Q: Why do plants hate math?
A: Because it gives them square roots.

Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?
A: A natural log cabin!

Q: What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?
A: A Tangent

Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks five cups of coffee?
A: A hyper boa

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
A: An Algorithm

Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable?
A: acute angle

Q: Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
A: It was a 'mean' thing to say!

Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?
A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them

Q: Why did the polynomial plant die?
A: Its roots were imaginary.

Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?
A: Because there is no point!

Q. What happened to the indeterminate form that got sick?
A: It had to go to L'Hospital

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
A: A high-pot-in-use

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?
A: They already 8!

Q: Why didn't Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
A: It was too cubed

Q: Which triangles are the coldest?
A: Ice-sosceles triangles

Q: Who invented the Round Table?
A: Sir Cumference

Q: Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?
A: She covers the story from every angle

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?
A: By using a cod-ratic inequality

Q: What is the definition of a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation

Q: Why is the Rational Root Theorem so polite?
A: It minds its p's and q's

Q: Why did the boy eat his math homework?
A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?
A: Probably

Q: How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?
A: She said all that candy gave me exponential decay

Q: What is polite and works for the phone company?
A: A deferential operator

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Q. What's the king of the pencil case?
A. The ruler.

Q. What tool do you use in mathematics?
A. Multi-plyers.

Q. What's purple and commutes?
A. An Abelian grape.

Q: What's yellow and imaginary?
A: The square-root of negative banana

Q: How do deaf mathematicians communicate?
A: They use sine language

Q: What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces?
A: Natural Logs

Q: How do you make one vanish?
A: Add a 'g' to the beginning and it's gone!

Q: Why shouldn't you argue with a decimal?
A: Decimals always have a point.

Q: How is an artificial christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?
A: Neither has real roots.

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still?
A: A roamin' numeral.

Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle?
A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
A: "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times…"

Q: What polygon is also a card trick?
A: Decagon

Q: Why did the statistician drown while crossing a river?
A: It was 3 feet deep... on average

Q: What do you call it when a mathematician's parrot hasn't been fed?
A: Poly"no meal"

Q: How do you solve any equation?
A: Multiply both sides by zero.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#4 2018-01-04 21:18:38

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,578

Re: Q & A

Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."

Q: What do you call a pile of kittens
A: a meowntain

Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.

Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies?
A: An ambulance.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It's sweeping the nation!

Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
A: An irrelephant.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.

Q: Where do crayons go on vacation?
A: Color-ado!

Q: Why did the belt get arrested?
A: He held up a pair of pants.

Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.

Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell.

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Which is the building is the largest?
A: The library because it has the most stories.

Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A: A Yamahahaha

Q: Where did the computer go to dance?
A: To a disc-o.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A: USB

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.

Q: Did you hear about the hairdresser?
A: She dyed.

Q: What do you call a musician with problems?
A: a trebled man.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.

Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#5 2018-01-05 01:43:52

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 975

Re: Q & A

ganesh wrote:

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.

I still don't know why such thing was called a thesaurus. Thesaurus -> The saurus -> The lizard?

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#6 2018-01-05 14:53:20

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,578

Re: Q & A

Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.

I still don't know why such thing was called a thesaurus. Thesaurus -> The saurus -> The lizard?

Meaning and Origin of the word : thesaurus

Meaning:

1. a dictionary of synonyms and antonyms.
2. any dictionary, encyclopedia, or other comprehensive reference book.
3. a storehouse, repository, or treasury.
4. Computers.
a) an index to information stored in a computer, consisting of a comprehensive list of subjects concerning which information may be retrieved by using the proper key terms.
b) a dictionary of synonyms and antonyms stored in memory for use in word processing.

Origin : n.
1823, "treasury, storehouse," from Latin thesaurus "treasury, treasure," from Greek thesauros "a treasure, treasury, storehouse, chest," from root of tithenai "to put, to place." The meaning "encyclopedia filled with information" is from 1840, but existed earlier as thesaurarie (1590s), used as a title by early dictionary compilers. Meaning "collection of words arranged according to sense" is first attested 1852 in Roget's title. Thesaur is attested in Middle English with the meaning "treasure" (15c.-16c.).


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#7 2018-01-10 18:18:19

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,578

Re: Q & A

Q: Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?
A: He got stuck in Orbit.

Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.

Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.

Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A: So he could have sweet dreams.

Q: What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
A: Shakespeare.

Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes.

Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

Q: What do you call a funny mountain?
A: Hill-arious.

Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella.

Q: Did you hear about the calendar thief?
A: He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered.

Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: Two's company, three's a cloud.

Q: Why did the balloon burst?
A: Because is saw a lolly pop.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!

Q: Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard?
A: A barber.

Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race
A: Sherbet.

Q: What do you call a dentist in the army?
A: A drill sergeant.

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: Your pointless!

Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of?
A: Trouble.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him?
A: The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.

Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in High School!

Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!

Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!

Q: What do you call a magician on a plane?
A: A flying sorcerer!

Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry?
A: Urgent Tina.

Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory
A: He couldn't concentrate!

Q: Can I tell you a joke about paper.
A: Nah, never mind, its tearable.

Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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