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Roraborealis

Member

Registered: 2005-03-17

Posts: 1,594

The Toddler Miracle Diet

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.

Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a ten pence, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Eat a half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an lollipop until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue lcking until clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's lollipop from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and drink up using tongue.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of crisps, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavour), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that lollipop and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate, pour milk on flowers.

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School is practice for the future. Practice makes perfect. But - nobody's perfect, so why practice?

orange

Member

Registered: 2005-06-19

Posts: 73

Re: The Toddler Miracle Diet

what is all that about
but it was funny
did you think of all that by yourself if you have it was great

i wish i could write something like that
but im not as clever as you lol

ps: last time i talked to you, you said you was going to change your name but i think you should still keep it its good well better than orange lol

1 more thing what does it mean above you name (winked)???

talk to you later cya