Murphy's Love Laws

Jai Ganesh · 2018-01-26 21:34:38

Murphy's Love Laws

1. All the good ones are taken.

2. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)

3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.

4. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.

5. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.

6. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.

7. The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.

8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.

9. Nice guys(girls) finish last.

10. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

11. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.

Jai Ganesh · 2018-01-26 22:30:15

Murphy's Technology Laws

1. You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

2. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

3. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some darn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

4. Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

5. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

6. The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

7. The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

8. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

9. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

10. All great discoveries are made by mistake.

11. Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

12. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

13. All's well that ends.

14. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

15. The first myth of management is that it exists.

16. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

17. New systems generate new problems.

18. To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

19. We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.

20. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

21. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

22. A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

23. Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.

24. Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

25. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

26. To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

27. After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

28. Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

29. A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

30. If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.

31. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

32. Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."

33. Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it darn well pleases.

34. If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

35. The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

36. In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.

37. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

38. All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

39. The only perfect science is hind-sight.

40. Work smarter and not harder and be careful of your spelling.

41. If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

42. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

43. When all else fails, read the instructions.

44. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

45. Everything that goes up must come down.

46. Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

47. Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

48. Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

49. The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Jai Ganesh · 2018-01-27 02:06:40

Murphy's Laws Of Management

1. Think before you act; it's not your money.

2. All good management is the expression of one great idea.

3. No executive devotes effort to proving himself wrong.

4. Cash in must exceed cash out.

5. Management capability is always less than the organization actually needs.

6. Either an executive can do his job or he can't.

7. If sophisticated calculations are needed to justify an action, don't do it.

8. If you are doing something wrong, you will do it badly.

9. If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail.

10. The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it.

Jai Ganesh · 2018-01-27 19:32:26

Murphy's Military Laws

1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.

2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

3. Friendly fire ain't.

4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.

8. Incoming fire has the right of way.

9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

14. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Jai Ganesh · 2018-01-28 01:30:03

Murphy's Frequent Flyers

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.

9. The best-looking woman/man on your flight is never seated next to you.

10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

Math Is Fun Forum

#1 2018-01-26 21:34:38

Murphy's Love Laws

#2 2018-01-26 22:30:15

Re: Murphy's Love Laws

#3 2018-01-27 02:06:40

Re: Murphy's Love Laws

#4 2018-01-27 19:32:26

Re: Murphy's Love Laws

#5 2018-01-28 01:30:03

Re: Murphy's Love Laws

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