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studymaths

Member

Registered: 2010-04-11

Posts: 32

Math one-liners

I'm trying to gather as many one - liner maths jokes together as I can so I thought I'd share the ones I have collected so far...apologies to the javascript layout!

    joke[0]="Why was 6 afraid of 7?";
    joke[1]="What do you call a boiling kettle on top of a mountain?";
    joke[2]="There a 10 types of people.";
    joke[3]="BREAKING NEWS!";
    joke[4]="Have you heard the joke about the statistician?";
    joke[5]="What happens when you take the circumference of your Halloween lantern and divide it by its diameter?";
    joke[6]="What do mermaid mathematicians wear?";
    joke[7]="Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?";
    joke[8]="There were 99 people on a boat when it capsized. How many were left on the boat?";
    joke[9]="What does a constipated mathematician do?";
    joke[10]="What did the zero say to the eight?";
    joke[11]="Pi says: 'Get real.'";
    joke[12]="Why was the maths book sad?";
    joke[13]="An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a pub. The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint and so on.";
    joke[14]="Why don't you find many mathematicians on the beach?";
    joke[15]="Why did the pupil eat her homework?";
    joke[16]="What does a clock do when it's hungry?";
    joke[17]="Why is two the oddest prime?";
    joke[18]="Teacher: 'Along the corridor up the stairs'";
    joke[19]="A statistician had his head in an oven and his feet in the freezer.";
    joke[20]="What's the king of the pencil case?";
    joke[21]="What's a sheeps favourite graph?";
    joke[22]="What did the obtuse angle say to the smaller angle?";
    joke[23]="What T.V. programme do statisticians watch?"
    joke[24]="Why was the prism angry?";
    joke[25]="How much is the cheapest carpet at the metric store?";
    joke[26]="How do geometry teachers travel?";
    joke[27]="What is a mathematians favourite food?";
    joke[28]="What do you call a leg that is perpendicular to a foot?";
    joke[29]="What did one maths book say to the other?";
    joke[30]="What state has the most maths teachers?";
    joke[31]="Did you hear the joke about the infinite line?";
    joke[32]="Having problems with your maths?";
    joke[33]="Why did the two vectors start an internet-based company?";
    joke[34]="Why did the integer get mad at his wife?";
    joke[35]="Shocking statistic...";
    joke[36]="Heard about the mathematical plant?";
    joke[37]="F(x)= 2X+3 walks into a bar and orders a round of drinks and asks for some sanwiches.";
    joke[38]="Who invented King Arthur's round table?";
    joke[39]="How do you tell that you are in the hands of the Mathematical Mafia?";
    joke[40]="How many numerical analysts does it take to change a lightbulb?";
    joke[41]="What's the difference between Robbie Williams and a maths teacher?";
    joke[42]="Where are mathematicians buried?";
    joke[43]="Decimals have a point.";
    joke[44]="Why don't they serve beer at mathematicians' parties?";
    joke[45]="I hate puns about maths."

And now all the punch lines...

    punch[0]="Because 7, 8, 9!";
    punch[1]="A high-pot-in-use!";
    punch[2]="Those that understand binary and those that don't.";
    punch[3]="A new prime number has been discovered three times larger than the previous record.";
    punch[4]="Answer, 'Probably.'"
    punch[5]="You get Pumpkin Pie.";
    punch[6]="Algebras.";
    punch[7]="To get to the same side.";
    punch[8]="66.";
    punch[9]="Work it out with a pencil.";
    punch[10]="Nice belt.";
    punch[11]="i replies: 'Lets be rational about this.'";
    punch[12]="Because it had too many problems.";
    punch[13]="The bar man says 'I get ya' and pours two pints.";
    punch[14]="Because they can get a tan with just a sine and cosine.";
    punch[15]="Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.";
    punch[16]="It goes back four seconds.";
    punch[17]="It's the only one that's even!";
    punch[18]="Pupil: 'Sir, I live in a bungalow'";
    punch[19]="On average he felt fine.";
    punch[20]="The ruler.";
    punch[21]="A baaaa chart.";
    punch[22]="Your a cute angle.";
    punch[23]="Correlation street.";
    punch[24]="It had a cross-section.";
    punch[25]="One cent a metre.";
    punch[26]="In a plane.";
    punch[27]="Pi."
    punch[28]="A right ankle.";
    punch[29]="Man I have a lot of problems.";
    punch[30]="Mathachussets.";
    punch[31]="It doesn't have a point.";
    punch[32]="Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].";
    punch[33]="They thought they had a good dot product.";
    punch[34]="Because she was being irrational.";
    punch[35]="50% of schools are below average.";
    punch[36]="It's got square roots.";
    punch[37]="The barman replies sorry we don't cater for functions.";
    punch[38]="Sir Cumference.";
    punch[39]="They make you an offer that you can't understand.";
    punch[40]="0.99987 after four iterations.";
    punch[41]="Your maths teacher is loving Angles instead.";
    punch[42]="The Symmetry.";
    punch[43]="Calculus has it's limits.";
    punch[44]="Because it's not safe to drink and derive.";
    punch[45]="They're the first sine of madness."

Any more for any more?

soroban

Member

Registered: 2007-03-09

Posts: 452

Re: Math one-liners

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soroban

Member

Registered: 2007-03-09

Posts: 452

Re: Math one-liners

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