Math Is Fun Forum

Jai Ganesh

Administrator

Registered: 2005-06-28

Posts: 48,406

Good Jokes, pt.IV

"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?"

"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

"What is it?" she said.

"A puppy!"

142857 is a cyclic number - its digits always appear in the same order but will rotate around when multiplied by any number from 1 to 6:

142857 x 1 = 142857
142857 x 2 = 285714
142857 x 3 = 428571
142857 x 4 = 571428
142857 x 5 = 714285
142857 x 6 = 857142

Pretty cool, huh? Now multiply 142857 by 7.

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It appears to me that if one wants to make progress in mathematics, one should study the masters and not the pupils. - Niels Henrik Abel.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

lightning

Real Member

Registered: 2007-02-26

Posts: 2,060

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

i like the puppy one best lol ahahahahahahahahahaha!

[no need for all the smilies ~ justlooking]

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Jai Ganesh

Administrator

Registered: 2005-06-28

Posts: 48,406

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."

The man, taken back, asks hesitantly, "What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."

"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"

The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

On her way back from the concession stand, Sandra asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?"

Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did."

Sandra nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."

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It appears to me that if one wants to make progress in mathematics, one should study the masters and not the pupils. - Niels Henrik Abel.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Devantè

Real Member

Registered: 2006-07-14

Posts: 6,400

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

Nice ones.

Did you make these or did you find them/recite them from somewhere?

lightning

Real Member

Registered: 2007-02-26

Posts: 2,060

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

how do you make them up?

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luca-deltodesco

Member

Registered: 2006-05-05

Posts: 1,470

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

teacher ' were going to play a game, ill show you how to play with dave'
teacher ' ok, ill describe an object and you tell me what it is'
dave ' ok
teacher ' its big, round and orange, what is it'
dave 'mmm an orange!
teacher ' ok, now you try
dave ' ok, its big, long, hard, with a red head on it and makes you warm inside
teacher 'dave!!!!
dave ' no, its a matchstick!

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The Beginning Of All Things To End.
The End Of All Things To Come.

Devantè

Real Member

Registered: 2006-07-14

Posts: 6,400

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

Nice one, but a matchstick isn't big.

LQ

Real Member

Registered: 2006-12-04

Posts: 1,285

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

How about a mushroom?
(Kidding)

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I see clearly now, the universe have the black dots, Thus I am on my way of inventing this remedy...

lightning

Real Member

Registered: 2007-02-26

Posts: 2,060

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

yeah a mushroom great idea!

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Agnishom

Real Member

From: Riemann Sphere

Registered: 2011-01-29

Posts: 24,996

Website

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

A farmer had three daughters who had dates on three consecutive nights.

The first night,  a boy came and rang the bell. The farmer greeted the door
  -Hello I am Joe, I am here for Floe. We are going to the show, Is she ready to go?
And the two went out and had a happy night

The second night, another guy came
   -Hi I am Eddy, I am here for betty. We shall have spaghetti, is she ready?
And the second daughter went away.

Then came the last night and a mysterious guy came.
   -Hello, My name is chuck......

The farmer shot him!

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'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

ShivamS

Member

Registered: 2011-02-07

Posts: 3,648

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

Not the best joke I have heard, but it is pretty implicit.

Agnishom

Real Member

From: Riemann Sphere

Registered: 2011-01-29

Posts: 24,996

Website

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

Is this okay too?

Johnny to Dad: Dad, May I date the next door girl?
Dad: Indeed. But who's she?
Johnny: She's Sandra.
Dad: You must not do that, I am sorry.
Johnny: Why?
Dad: Well, do not tell anyone. She's actually your sister.

Johnny goes back to his room depressed,

After a month:
Johnny: Dad, may I date Eliza this time?
Dad: I am afraid, son. He's your sister too.

Furiated Johnny goes to mom
Mom: Whats up, son?
Johnny: I wanted to date Eliza and Sandra but he says that they are actually my sisters!
Mom: Worry not, son. He ain't your father.

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'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

ShivamS

Member

Registered: 2011-02-07

Posts: 3,648

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

I do not get that one.

Agnishom

Real Member

From: Riemann Sphere

Registered: 2011-01-29

Posts: 24,996

Website

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

[deleted because it was considered dirty by bobbym]

Last edited by Agnishom (2014-05-12 22:52:32)

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'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

ShivamS

Member

Registered: 2011-02-07

Posts: 3,648

Re: Good Jokes, pt.IV

That's pretty funny.