Limericks

Jai Ganesh · 2014-06-14 16:34:19

There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22

I know an old owl named Boo,
Every night he yelled "Hoo,"
Once a kid walked by,
And started to cry,
And yelled "I don't have a clue!"

There once was a young boy named Nick
Who by chance was always being kicked
He tried not to fight
For he was smart, kind and bright
So he learned how to run really quick.

A fellow jumped off a high wall
And had a most terrible fall
He went back to bed
With a bump on his head
That's why you don't jump off a wall.

There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint.

There once was a boy named Dan,
who wanted to fry in a pan.
He tried and he tried,
and eventually died,
that weird little boy named Dan.

There once was a child in spain
Who loved to play in the rain
One day he tripped
And broke his hip
Now he is in serious pain.

A silly young man from Clyde
In a funeral procession was spied
When asked, "Who is dead?"
He giggled and said,
"I don't know; I just came for the ride."

A painter, who lived in Great Britain,
Interrupted two girls with their knittin'
He said, with a sigh,
"That park bench--well I
Just painted it, right where you're sittin.'"

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd
She was frightened--it must be allowed.
Soon a happy thought hit her --
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.

Jai Ganesh · 2014-06-14 17:18:51

There once was a farmer from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
It soon became to pass
He was covered with grass
But has all the tomatoes he needs.

There once was a young lady named bright
Whose speed was much faster than Light
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

There once was a man from Tibet
Who couldn't find a cigarette
So he smoked all his socks
And got chicken-pocks
And had to go to the vet.

Jai Ganesh · 2014-06-14 22:44:36

There once was a boy from Quebec
Who bought a new stereo deck
He played it quite loud
In front of a crowd
And now his new deck is a wreck.

There was a space telescope named Hubble
That produced images that appeared double
They sent up a rocket
Adjusted a socket
Oh!! how the engineers got out of trouble.

There once was a man who liked to bet
He even did it on the net
Then one bad day
The money went away
Now he's drowning in debt.

It isn't a very hard trick
to sit down and write a limerick
Just give me some time
and two lines that rhyme
and I'll present you with something real slick.

There once was a man from France
Who liked to dance and dance
He thought he might
Give friends a delight
And dance with his dog Chance.

There once was a butterfly from France.
Who flew up and did a dance.
She thought that she might
crash into a kite
And never do another dance.

My name is Laura Lane,
Be sure to Remember my name,
One day you will know,
For I will show,
All my fortune and fame!

I met a lady from Maine,
Who seemed to be insane
She tripped on her shoe,
And fell into some math
Now she's insane with a stain.

There once was a deer called Buck,
And into the garden he snuck,
he waited all night,
til' the time was right,
Then jumped out and got hit by a truck!

One day, when Joey the snail
Stepped out to fetch his mail,
A human being
Without really seeing
Did step on poor Joey's tail.

soroban · 2014-11-25 13:49:29

To a tightrope walker named Zekund
The 'a' due to gravity beckoned.
. . His performance was great
. . At about 9.8
m/s/s.

There was a young lady named Lizst
Whose mouth had a funny half-twist.
. . She'd turned both her lips
. . Into Moebius strips.
'Til she's kissed you, you haven't been kissed.

A young mathematician named Crottle
Poured water into a Klein bottle.
. . When asked, "Do you doubt
. . That some will run out?"
Said, "No, I don't. Quite a lot'll."

A girl from the vast Fourth Dimension
Has a love life beyond comprehension.
. . With length, width and height
. . She's an utter delight.
With her fourth ... too wondrous to mention!

Jai Ganesh · 2015-01-24 23:52:04

1. If inside a circle a line
   Hits the center and goes from spine to spine
   And the line's length is "d",
   The circumference will be
d times 3.14159.

2. There was an old man who said, "Do
Tell me how I should add two and two.
I think more and more
That it makes about four --
But I fear that is almost too few."

3. There was a young lady called Kate,
Whose maths was right up-to-date.
She said, "It is fun
When three 3's are one --
Which they are with modulo 8."

4. Little Jack Horner sat in a corner,
Trying to evaluate .
He disclaimed rule of thumb,
Found an infinite sum,
And exclaimed "It's REAL, nary an i."

5. A mathematician named Ray
Says extraction of roots is child's play.
You don't need equations
Or long calculations;
Just hot water to run on the tray.

6. Said Mrs. Isosceles Tri,
"That I'm sharp I've no wish to deny;
But I do not dare
To be perfectly square --
I'm sure if I did I should die!"

7. An arithmetic teacher named Jones
Was reduced by the new math to groans,
And shortly expired.
Since he has not retired,
He now serves as Napier's Bones.

8. A mathematician confided
That a Moebius band is one-sided.
And you'll get quite a laugh
If you cut one in half,
For it stays in one piece when divided.

9. A graduate student at Trinity
Computed the square of infinity.
But it gave him the fidgets
To put down the digits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.

10. A mathematician from Boole,
Used to mispronounce words like a fool.
He spoke of "stastistics",
And "intragel" ballistics,
"Yuler" circles and "Hospital's" rule.

11. There was a young student from Rye,
Who worked out the value of .
"It happens," said he,
"That it's just over 3,
Though I'd rather you don't ask me why."

12. There was a young student from Crewe
Who learned how to count in base 2.
His sums were all done
With 0 and 1,
And he found it much simpler to do.

13. There was a young fellow called Dan,
Who knew all about sin, cos and tan.
He talked rather big
Of his knowledge of trig --
He did seem a clever young man.

14. A modern young lady called Rita,
Buys ribbons and cloth by the meter.
She gets bacon and ham
Weighed out by the gram,
And orders her milk by the liter.

15. There was a maths student called Hector,
Who couldn't tell scalar from vector.
"I'm quite at a loss
To tell a dot from a cross --
I ought not to work in this sector."

Olinguito · 2015-01-25 00:18:50

There once was a prophet from Fife
Who predicted the end of his life.
As the moment drew near
He showed no sign of fear
As he stabbed himself with a knife.

Jai Ganesh · 2015-03-19 13:38:09

When astronomers showed Earth was lowly,
not Heaven's sweet center most holy,
Philosophers grumbled
at theories crumbled.
As one said, “I wish someone had Ptolemy.”

************************************************************************************************
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.

************************************************************************************************

There was a young girl from Rabat
Who had triplets: Nan, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
but hell in the feeding,
as she found she had no tit for Tat.

************************************************************************************************

There once was a girl named Irene
who lived on distilled kerosene.
But she started absorbin'
a new hydrocarbon
and since then has never benzene.

************************************************************************************************

There once was a man called McGough
Who, out walking, tripped over a bough.
He said that, although
His leg hurt enough,
He didn't mind limping home to Middlesbrough.

Math Is Fun Forum

#1 2014-06-14 16:34:19

Limericks

#2 2014-06-14 17:18:51

Re: Limericks

#3 2014-06-14 22:44:36

Re: Limericks

#4 2014-11-25 13:49:29

Re: Limericks

#5 2015-01-24 23:52:04

Re: Limericks

#6 2015-01-25 00:18:50

Re: Limericks

#7 2015-03-19 13:38:09

Re: Limericks

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