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What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, "My door is always open".
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The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
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I don't understand why people don't like lazy people. They didn't do anything.
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My resumé is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.
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It appears to me that if one wants to make progress in mathematics, one should study the masters and not the pupils. - Niels Henrik Abel.
Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.
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