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#26 2018-02-10 09:57:24

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

I bet you I could stop gambling.
* * *
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
* * *
Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I'm thirsty.
* * *
What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around? Holmeless.
* * *
If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
* * *
Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
* * *
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
* * *
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.
* * *
You have the perfect face for radio.
* * *
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
* * *
The panic begins with the first one to say ‘Calm down!'
* * *
What's a horse's favorite sport? Stable Tennis.
* * *
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
* * *
Whiteboards are remarkable.
* * *
I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.
* * *
All generalizations are false, including this one.
* * *
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#27 2018-02-12 03:30:30

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

I was going to be an optometrist, but couldn't see things clearly.
* * *
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
* * *
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
* * *
Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years.
* * *
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
* * *
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
* * *
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
* * *
Life didn't work out, but everything else is not that bad.
* * *
I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
* * *
Teacher: "I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass?" Student: "The cow ate the grass, sir."
* * *
Cells multiply by dividing.
* * *
The best things in the world are free - and worth every penny of it.
* * *
I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.
* * *
The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
* * *
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
* * *
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
* * *
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#28 2018-02-14 00:37:19

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

If time is money, are ATMs time machines?
* * *
What is the difference between a teacher and a train? One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!".
* * *
I never admit or deny anything, it makes things more interesting.
* * *
You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book.
* * *
If a woman is cold as a fish, a man has to be as patient as a fisherman.
* * *
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
* * *
As the joker said, if you are good at something, why do it for free...
* * *
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
* * *
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
* * *
We need to look at how the world really works, not just accept the way we are told it works.
* * *
What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea!
* * *
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#29 2018-02-15 00:27:19

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

Did you know that bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis?
* * *
When the students noticed that the electricity went off during a storm, they were delighted [de-lighted].
* * *
Heard about the saying that it is better to love a short girl than not a tall?
* * *
Did you know that old power plant laborers never die, instead they just de-generate?
* * *
It is said that while some people consider marriage as a word, the rest consider it a sentence.
* * *
A court saying - old lawyers simply never die, they just lose their appeal.
* * *
Did you hear about the fight between the dentist and the manicurist? It is said they had it out tooth and nail.
* * *
My love for you is like pi... never ending.
* * *
Roses are #ff0000, violets are #0000ff, all my base are belong to you.
* * *
Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? 'Cause you are F-I-Ne?
* * *
Are you a piece of carbon? Because I would love to date you.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#30 2018-02-16 15:56:19

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!
* * *
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
* * *
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* * *
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
* * *
Nobody's perfect. I'm a nobody.
* * *
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
* * *
Some people are so poor, all they have is money.
* * *
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
* * *
You're like school in the summertime - no class.
* * *
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.
* * *
It's good to learn from other's mistakes, I wish people learn something from me.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#31 2018-02-17 14:12:56

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!
* * *
Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
* * *
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship : "I apologize" and "You are right."
* * *
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* * *
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* * *
Smaller babies may be delivered by storks but the heavier ones would need a crane!
* * *
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
* * *
Electricity is dangerous. Shocking, ain't it?
* * *
If a dog was a computer, would its bark be bigger than its byte?
* * *
If mummies are from Egypt, then where are daddies from?
* * *
There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
* * *
What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#32 2018-02-18 02:43:27

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 1,047

Re: One Liners

ganesh wrote:

Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
* * *

So basically, mathematicians are young riders.


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away. May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

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#33 2018-02-18 15:33:37

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
* * *

So basically, mathematicians are young riders.

In my opinion, Yes!

*******
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE!
* * *
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.
* * *
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
* * *
Nobody is interested in your sorrow, unless you can make a joke or a poem out of it.
* * *
Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle? Because if you add 4 + 4 you get ate!
* * *
Our conscience is clear- we don't use it.
* * *
If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.
* * *
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
* * *
Why is a doctor always calm? Because it has a lot of patients.
* * *
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
* * *
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
* * *
I applied for a job today and they ask for three references. I wrote, "a dictionary, a Thesaurus, and a map."
* * *
For those who never forget a face, you are an exception.
* * *
Should I have another baby after 35? No, 35 children are enough.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#34 2018-02-19 15:45:42

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice.
* * *
How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
* * *
The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
* * *
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
* * *
He: So then, what's your sign? She: Dollar.
* * *
3 men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter.
* * *
What fruit do you eat when you are sad? Blueberries.
* * *
Parenting is easy once you learn the secret. For the love of god, please tell me the secret.
* * *
I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
* * *
Five days of the week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park!
* * *
What part of your family can you see through? A transparent.
* * *
I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
* * *
Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
* * *
I like the way your medication thinks.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#35 2018-02-20 16:44:28

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.
* * *
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
* * *
Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed.
* * *
I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
* * *
The light at the end of the tunnel – are the front lights of a train.
* * *
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
* * *
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
* * *
Friends are forever. Until they get in a relationship.
* * *
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
* * *
There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot.
* * *
It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.
* * *
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
* * *
If I've learned anything in life, it's that not enough people are at a loss for words.
* * *
What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time no sea.
* * *
Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#36 2018-02-21 14:52:00

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine.
* * *
Remember: You can eat your way out of almost any problem.
* * *
The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
* * *
I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.
* * *
I don't care how funny you are, if I don't like you, I won't laugh.
* * *
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
* * *
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
* * *
Men of quality respect women's equality.
* * *
Thank goodness! Testimony from your parrot is not admissible in court.
* * *
I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.
* * *
At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
* * *
You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force.
* * *
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".
* * *
The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk.
* * *
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
* * *
Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
* * *
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
* * *
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#37 Yesterday 00:49:20

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 23,814

Re: One Liners

Remember, it's not what you do... it's what you get away with.
* * *
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* * *
The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We're sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.
* * *
Now that I'm older, I realize that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance.
* * *
He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
* * *
If someone is spitting behind you, it means you're in front.
* * *
A girl in a restaurant asked me "Are you single?". I happily replied "Yes". She took away the extra chair in front of me.
* * *
There's no "I" in "team" but there are 5 in "individual brilliance".
* * *
Why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate? She was on a crash diet!
* * *
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
* * *
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
* * *
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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