Math Is Fun Forum
  Discussion about math, puzzles, games and fun.   Useful symbols: ÷ × ½ √ ∞ ≠ ≤ ≥ ≈ ⇒ ± ∈ Δ θ ∴ ∑ ∫ • π ƒ -¹ ² ³ °

You are not logged in.

#26 2018-02-10 09:57:24

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

I bet you I could stop gambling.
* * *
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
* * *
Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I'm thirsty.
* * *
What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around? Holmeless.
* * *
If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
* * *
Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
* * *
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
* * *
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.
* * *
You have the perfect face for radio.
* * *
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
* * *
The panic begins with the first one to say ‘Calm down!'
* * *
What's a horse's favorite sport? Stable Tennis.
* * *
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
* * *
Whiteboards are remarkable.
* * *
I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.
* * *
All generalizations are false, including this one.
* * *
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#27 2018-02-12 03:30:30

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

I was going to be an optometrist, but couldn't see things clearly.
* * *
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
* * *
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
* * *
Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years.
* * *
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
* * *
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
* * *
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
* * *
Life didn't work out, but everything else is not that bad.
* * *
I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
* * *
Teacher: "I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass?" Student: "The cow ate the grass, sir."
* * *
Cells multiply by dividing.
* * *
The best things in the world are free - and worth every penny of it.
* * *
I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.
* * *
The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
* * *
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
* * *
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
* * *
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#28 2018-02-14 00:37:19

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

If time is money, are ATMs time machines?
* * *
What is the difference between a teacher and a train? One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!".
* * *
I never admit or deny anything, it makes things more interesting.
* * *
You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book.
* * *
If a woman is cold as a fish, a man has to be as patient as a fisherman.
* * *
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
* * *
As the joker said, if you are good at something, why do it for free...
* * *
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
* * *
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
* * *
We need to look at how the world really works, not just accept the way we are told it works.
* * *
What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea!
* * *
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#29 2018-02-15 00:27:19

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Did you know that bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis?
* * *
When the students noticed that the electricity went off during a storm, they were delighted [de-lighted].
* * *
Heard about the saying that it is better to love a short girl than not a tall?
* * *
Did you know that old power plant laborers never die, instead they just de-generate?
* * *
It is said that while some people consider marriage as a word, the rest consider it a sentence.
* * *
A court saying - old lawyers simply never die, they just lose their appeal.
* * *
Did you hear about the fight between the dentist and the manicurist? It is said they had it out tooth and nail.
* * *
My love for you is like pi... never ending.
* * *
Roses are #ff0000, violets are #0000ff, all my base are belong to you.
* * *
Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? 'Cause you are F-I-Ne?
* * *
Are you a piece of carbon? Because I would love to date you.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#30 2018-02-16 15:56:19

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!
* * *
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
* * *
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* * *
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
* * *
Nobody's perfect. I'm a nobody.
* * *
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
* * *
Some people are so poor, all they have is money.
* * *
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
* * *
You're like school in the summertime - no class.
* * *
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.
* * *
It's good to learn from other's mistakes, I wish people learn something from me.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#31 2018-02-17 14:12:56

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!
* * *
Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
* * *
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship : "I apologize" and "You are right."
* * *
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* * *
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* * *
Smaller babies may be delivered by storks but the heavier ones would need a crane!
* * *
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
* * *
Electricity is dangerous. Shocking, ain't it?
* * *
If a dog was a computer, would its bark be bigger than its byte?
* * *
If mummies are from Egypt, then where are daddies from?
* * *
There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
* * *
What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#32 2018-02-18 02:43:27

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 1,269

Re: One Liners

ganesh wrote:

Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
* * *

So basically, mathematicians are young riders.


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away. May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

Offline

#33 2018-02-18 15:33:37

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
* * *

So basically, mathematicians are young riders.

In my opinion, Yes!

*******
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE!
* * *
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.
* * *
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
* * *
Nobody is interested in your sorrow, unless you can make a joke or a poem out of it.
* * *
Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle? Because if you add 4 + 4 you get ate!
* * *
Our conscience is clear- we don't use it.
* * *
If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.
* * *
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
* * *
Why is a doctor always calm? Because it has a lot of patients.
* * *
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
* * *
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
* * *
I applied for a job today and they ask for three references. I wrote, "a dictionary, a Thesaurus, and a map."
* * *
For those who never forget a face, you are an exception.
* * *
Should I have another baby after 35? No, 35 children are enough.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#34 2018-02-19 15:45:42

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice.
* * *
How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
* * *
The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
* * *
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
* * *
He: So then, what's your sign? She: Dollar.
* * *
3 men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter.
* * *
What fruit do you eat when you are sad? Blueberries.
* * *
Parenting is easy once you learn the secret. For the love of god, please tell me the secret.
* * *
I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
* * *
Five days of the week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park!
* * *
What part of your family can you see through? A transparent.
* * *
I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
* * *
Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
* * *
I like the way your medication thinks.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#35 2018-02-20 16:44:28

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.
* * *
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
* * *
Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed.
* * *
I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
* * *
The light at the end of the tunnel – are the front lights of a train.
* * *
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
* * *
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
* * *
Friends are forever. Until they get in a relationship.
* * *
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
* * *
There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot.
* * *
It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.
* * *
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
* * *
If I've learned anything in life, it's that not enough people are at a loss for words.
* * *
What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time no sea.
* * *
Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#36 2018-02-21 14:52:00

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine.
* * *
Remember: You can eat your way out of almost any problem.
* * *
The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
* * *
I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.
* * *
I don't care how funny you are, if I don't like you, I won't laugh.
* * *
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
* * *
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
* * *
Men of quality respect women's equality.
* * *
Thank goodness! Testimony from your parrot is not admissible in court.
* * *
I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.
* * *
At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
* * *
You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force.
* * *
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".
* * *
The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk.
* * *
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
* * *
Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
* * *
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
* * *
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#37 2018-02-23 00:49:20

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Remember, it's not what you do... it's what you get away with.
* * *
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* * *
The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We're sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.
* * *
Now that I'm older, I realize that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance.
* * *
He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
* * *
If someone is spitting behind you, it means you're in front.
* * *
A girl in a restaurant asked me "Are you single?". I happily replied "Yes". She took away the extra chair in front of me.
* * *
There's no "I" in "team" but there are 5 in "individual brilliance".
* * *
Why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate? She was on a crash diet!
* * *
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
* * *
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
* * *
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#38 2018-02-24 15:03:54

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
* * *
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.
* * *
Math and Girls are the most complicated things, but Math at least has some logic.
* * *
My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds. I gave her a scale.
* * *
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
* * *
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* * *
I wanted to tell you that wherever I am, whatever happens, I'll always think of you, and the time we spent together, as my happiest time. I'd do it all over again, if I had the choice. No regrets.
* * *
What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A: A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.
* * *
How do men/women define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
* * *
Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.
* * *
Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes.
* * *
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
* * *
Is everything expensive or I'm just poor?
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#39 2018-02-25 14:29:18

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 1,269

Re: One Liners

ganesh wrote:

Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
* * *

That's... a good idea for a Pokemon/Digimon evolution line...


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away. May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

Offline

#40 2018-02-25 15:22:40

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
* * *

That's... a good idea for a Pokemon/Digimon evolution line...

I know neither Pokemon nor Digimon!
* * *
Legends don't die... I am a living example!
* * *
Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
* * *
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
* * *
Lazy People Fact #5812672793. You were too lazy to read that number.
* * *
Why do people litter? Because they don't take the litter signs literally.
* * *
Salary is like a period – you wait for it a whole month and it ends in a week.
* * *
You're fat. It's not because it runs in the family, you're fat because nobody runs in your family.
* * *
If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.
* * *
The three unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
* * *
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
* * *
It's not what man can create, it's what man can become.
* * *
What do you call a mind reader who can't read minds? A telepathetic.
* * *
Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#41 2018-02-26 14:44:30

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
* * *
Text him again. He probably just forgot that he's in love with you.
* * *
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
* * *
What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off.
* * *
You can't live, without, your... liver!
* * *
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium then you curium and you barium.
* * *
I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right, but I didn't know her first name was "Always".
* * *
Don't be nervous if someone is driving ahead of you- the world is round, just think that you're driving first!
* * *
I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
* * *
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.
* * *
When you try to prove to someone that something doesn't work, it will.
* * *
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn't suit his taste!
* * *
I'm so introverted I won't even talk to myself.
* * *
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
* * *
If you have worked and didn't get anything, it means someone else got it.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#42 2018-02-27 18:18:55

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

The word 'possesses', possesses so many s's, that any one can't assess it without knowing 's', I guess!
* * *
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
* * *
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
* * *
Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
* * *
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
* * *
Teacher: "What is the future tense of the statement: 'I had killed a thief'?" Student: "You will go to jail."
* * *
For years, I struggled with dyslexia. Mostly because I was spelling it wrong.
* * *
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!
* * *
Music makes every day better, especially if you turn it up just loud enough to drown out all the people around you.
* * *
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
* * *
Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
* * *
I will have enough money for the rest of my life. Of course, if I don't buy and eat anything.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#43 2018-02-28 21:52:00

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
* * *
We shouldn't expect educators to be entertaining, or entertainers to be educational.
* * *
Did you hear about the unruly circus driver? He refused to tow the lion.
* * *
Biology is the only science where multiplication means the same thing as division.
* * *
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
* * *
Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
* * *
Those who build roofs are so inclined.
* * *
Where does the dentist get his gas? At the filling station.
* * *
Said the potato: "I think therefore I yam."
* * *
Antiques are things one generation buys, the next generation gets rid off, and the following generation buys again.
* * *
A night watchman is a man who earns his living without doing a day's work.
* * *
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
* * *
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#44 2018-03-04 17:05:30

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Why did the farmer only wear one boot to town? He heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
* * *
Music makes every day better, especially if you turn it up just loud enough to drown out all the people around you.
* * *
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
* * *
Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.
* * *
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
* * *
Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.
* * *
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
* * *
I wish I had a man around the house... to hand me my tools while I'm fixing things.
* * *
A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
* * *
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
* * *
You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
* * *
Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love; the poor know that it is money.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#45 2018-03-07 01:51:36

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

Adam met Eve and turned over a new leaf.
* * *
A good scapegoat is more invited than a solution to the problem.
* * *
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
* * *
To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
* * *
When I went to the dentist for some root canal work, I lost my nerve.
* * *
I can't believe it happened. The other day I jogged backward and put on eight pounds!
* * *
A fight over love and money would be duel purpose.
* * *
Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#46 2018-03-08 18:40:47

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
* * *
Where did you buy your stupidity? Or it was given for free and you took an overdose?
* * *
Where does a polar bear keep his money? In a snowbank!
* * *
Why did the robot go on summer vacation? He needed to recharge his batteries.
* * *
Money is the root of all wealth.
* * *
Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."
* * *
Tomorrow is a big day for me at work. They are refilling the snack vending machine.
* * *
I went to a peanut factory last week. It was nuts!
* * *
Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.
* * *
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.
* * *
The longer you sleep – the more sleep you need. The more you eat – the bigger is your appetite.
* * *
If the answer to all questions is yes, so why not?
* * *
If you can't buy a person, you can always sell him.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#47 2018-03-10 12:56:02

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
* * *
How good are you at powerpoint? I Excel at it!
* * *
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
* * *
If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!
* * *
Do you need space? Join NASA!
* * *
Your forehead is so big you donated it to charity for shelter!
* * *
There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
* * *
A genius lives in every one of us. Each day more and more heavily…
* * *
I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
* * *
What did the pirate say when he found someone? I sea you!
* * *
What did one candle say to the other? "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
* * *
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#48 2018-03-12 01:12:53

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
* * *
I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.
* * *
If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!
* * *
I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
* * *
What did one candle say to the other? "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
* * *
It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
* * *
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
* * *
We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
* * *
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell color 9.
* * *
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
* * *
I wanted to make a joke about criminals, but I was scared it would get stolen.
* * *
Kids, stay in school and get a good degree so you can spend 40% of your life on conference calls.
* * *
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of just nuts.
* * *
Are you a cat because you're purrrrrrfect.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#49 2018-03-14 17:15:27

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

What did the dentist said to the Sabretooth tiger? You have outstanding teeth.
* * *
Where does a fish go to borrow money? The loan shark!
* * *
Just tell me when and where and I'll be there 20 minutes late.
* * *
Love is one long sweet dream... and marriage is the alarm clock.
* * *
That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.
* * *
I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!
* * *
"Why don't you trust me?", she texted both the guys simultaneously.
* * *
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
* * *
It's officially New Year's Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.
* * *
What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day? Let me call you Tweet heart!
* * *
How does one know a man is going to say something smart?..His sentences start with "A woman once told me.."
* * *
Cannibals like to meat people.
* * *
My favorite part of grocery shopping is rushing home to look at the shopping list on my counter to see what I forgot to buy.
* * *
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

#50 2018-03-18 15:22:34

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,136

Re: One Liners

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
* * *
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
* * *
The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
* * *
If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
* * *
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
* * *
Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today.
* * *
Love helps to kill time. And time helps to kill love.
* * *
I am right ninety eight percent of the time - who cares about the other three percent.
* * *
What race is never run? A swimming race.
* * *
My five year plan? I don't even have a five minute plan.
* * *
He's a recovering alcoholic: recovering from last night!
* * *
What part of a football ground is never the same? The changing rooms.
* * *
Why did the boy throw the butter out the window? To see a butterfly.
* * *
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
* * *
Why did the girl wear glasses in math class? It improves di-vision.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Offline

Board footer

Powered by FluxBB