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#1 2005-06-06 18:38:23

MathsIsFun
Administrator
Registered: 2005-01-21
Posts: 7,710

Aircraft Maintenance

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" , which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The
mechanics then correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots   Review the gripe sheets before the next flight. 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


             P:         Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
             S:         Almost replaced left inside main tyre

             P:         Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
             S:         Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

             P:         Something loose in cabin
             S:         Something tightened in cabin

             P:         Dead bugs on windshield
             S:         Live bugs on backorder

             P:         Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
             S:         Cannot produce problem on the ground
             
             P:         Evidence of oil leak in landing gear
             S:         Evidence removed

             P:         DME volume unbelievably loud
             S:         DME volume set to more believable level

             P:         Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
             S:         That's what they're for

             P:         OFF inoperative
             S:         OFF always inoperative in OFF mode

             P:         Suspected crack in windshield
             S:         Suspect you're right

             P:         Number 3 Engine missing
             S:         Engine found on right wing after brief search

             P:         Aircraft handles funny
             S:         Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

             P:         Target radar hums
             S:         Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

             P:         Mouse in cabin
             S:         Cat installed

             P:         Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer
             S:         Took hammer away from midget


"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

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#2 2005-06-07 04:14:29

Zach
Member
Registered: 2005-03-23
Posts: 2,075

Re: Aircraft Maintenance

Oh Em Eff Gee! Those are god darn funny!


Boy let me tell you what:
I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too.
And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you.

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#3 2005-06-08 06:35:53

Mr T
Member
Registered: 2005-03-30
Posts: 1,012

Re: Aircraft Maintenance

These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


I come back stronger than a powered-up Pac-Man big_smile
I bought a large popcorn @ the cinema the other day, it was pretty big...some might even say it was "large
cool Fatboy Slim is a Legend cool

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#4 2005-06-16 02:51:48

Roraborealis
Member
Registered: 2005-03-17
Posts: 1,594

Re: Aircraft Maintenance

LOL! Many laughs here!


School is practice for the future. Practice makes perfect. But - nobody's perfect, so why practice?

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#5 2005-06-21 07:11:18

Mr T
Member
Registered: 2005-03-30
Posts: 1,012

Re: Aircraft Maintenance

indeed


I come back stronger than a powered-up Pac-Man big_smile
I bought a large popcorn @ the cinema the other day, it was pretty big...some might even say it was "large
cool Fatboy Slim is a Legend cool

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#6 2008-01-08 13:11:19

MasterofDisguise
Member
Registered: 2008-01-05
Posts: 68

Re: Aircraft Maintenance

Nice jokes Mr T and mathisfun


(im an ALIEN eek) im kool tongue (WHAT what You cant steal my fridge!)]

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#7 2019-11-17 19:51:42

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 2,000

Re: Aircraft Maintenance

Mr T wrote:

These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

So, the lawyers are either:
a. doesn't know math, or
b. doesn't believe that people die if they are killed


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away.
May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

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