Math Is Fun Forum

Fiona

Guest

Re: Jokes

2 flies were running across the top of a cereal packet and one said to the other Why r we running? The other said because it said to tear along the dotted line!  A peanut was on the railway track his heart all a flutter a train came whizzing round the bend TOOT TOOT! peanut butter!  Whens the best part of school? When it's over!  What do you call a fish with no i's a fsh  Boy: Did you hear about the man with one leg called smith? Girl: What was the other leg called?  What AMAZING invention lets you see through the thickest of walls? A Window you nugget!  What do you get if you cross Batman, Robin and a steamroller? Flatman and Ribbon!  When is it bad luck to see a black cat? When your a mouse!  Girl: Whats the difference between a £10 note and a banana? Boy: I don't know Girl: can I borrow a banana?  There was a magician on the Titanic prepaing for his act that night in front of the captain of the ship and when the magician didan evtremely good trick, the captain clapped and the magicians dove flew out of an open window. "Oh no" cried the magician "Now what am i going to do?" and the captain said "One of our engineers has a parrot you could borrow" so that night the magician was doing his show with the parrot on a pearch next to him. The magician made an egg dissapear and the parrot spoiled the trick by shouting "Its up his sleeve it's up his sleeve" the magician said "shut up you dumb bird" and then made a bunch of flowers dissapear. "its in is coat its in his coat!" shouted the parrot spoiling yet another trick and the magician said "oh for goodness sake shut up or I'l make sure ypou don't see the light of day again!" just then the Titanic hit an Iceberg and sank. A while later the magician was sitting alone on a lifeboat when along came the parrot and sat on his shoulder. All was silent for a while and then the parrot said "All right then smarty pants what did you do with the ship?"

jamie

Guest

Re: Jokes

what are history teachers favourite food? dates!

satty &sandy

Guest

Re: Jokes

teacher:sally ,da essay u rote about your pet cat was exactly like your sister,why ?  sally:because we have the same cat miss!

Ryan Lewendon

Guest

Re: Jokes

Teacher:resite ur tbles Pupil:Bedside table,dining table, and computer table

Mr_Cynical

Guest

Re: Jokes

Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have noticed it  PS: Please post stuff on my forums too at http://www.davidarussell.co.uk/forums

kayleigh

Guest

Re: Jokes

customer: waiter waiter will my sausages be long  Waiter: no sir they will be about 6 inches long

Fraser Sharp

Guest

Re: Jokes

Doctor, Doctor, my wife thinks she is a duck. Just send her in to see me. I can't, she has already flew south for the winter!

R.Kesavan

Guest

Re: Jokes

What is the difference between a teacher and a train-driver? Ans: the former trains the mind and the latter minds the train.

sophie

Guest

Re: Jokes

whats the difference between a bird and a fly ? a bird can fly but a fly cant bird.

Daniel

Guest

Re: Jokes

Teacher:If i gave you 50p and your brother gave you 20p how much would you have?  Bill:50p  Teacher:You don't know your maths boy.  Bill:You don't know my brother!

Mrs Blong

Guest

Re: Jokes

Two atoms bumped into each other, and one said are u alright? The other said no i've lost a electron are u sure? yes im POSITIVE HA HA HA HA HA

Candice Koffke

Guest

Re: Jokes

Why did the lobster blush?  Because the seaweed?

Alysia hopkins

Guest

Re: Jokes

whats white and blue and stands in the corner of the cuboard? a fridge with a denim jacket on.

Alex Mallows

Guest

Re: Jokes

Head Teacher: "Why are you late for school ?"  Pupil: "there are eight people in our family and the alarm clock was set for seven."

Alex Mallows

Guest

Re: Jokes

Teacher: "Where would you find the Andes?"  Pupil: At the end of the wristies."

MathsIsFun

Administrator

Registered: 2005-01-21

Posts: 7,713

Re: Jokes

Got a good joke? Share it with everybody, just keep it clean.

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"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

Zoe

Guest

Re: Jokes

What did the priest say when the church caught on fire?

Holy Smoke!!

someone

Guest

Re: Jokes

How do you sink a submarine full of fools?

knock on the door

GAV-DUDE

Guest

Re: Jokes

wots the diff between a conductor and a teacher .A. one minds the train the other trains the mind

what do u call aman who has large spots wears a tuxedo to work and is totaly bald (his hair is on his back)A.sir

mule

Guest

Re: Jokes

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side
..classic

Aditi

Member

Registered: 2005-03-15

Posts: 3

Re: Jokes

Child : Our MAths teacher is a dumb.
Father : Why do u say that!
Child: Because for four days she has asked us how much 2 and 2 is. We told her its 4. But she still doesnt know it; this morning she asked again!

Aditi

Member

Registered: 2005-03-15

Posts: 3

Re: Jokes

When Jimmy came home after his first day in kindergarten, his mother asked,"Did u learn anything today' dear?"
"No," he said disgustedly. "I gotta go back again tomorrow."

Last edited by Aditi (2005-03-15 21:57:58)

mini- me

Guest

Re: Jokes

wot do u call a dinosaur wiv no eyes? thinkusarus

Roraborealis

Member

Registered: 2005-03-17

Posts: 1,594

Re: Jokes

Who was Joan of Arc? Noah's wife.
What is the longest word in the English language? Smiles (because there is a mile between the first and last letters)
When were there only three vowels? Before U and I were born.
Which word in the English language is always spelt incorrectly? Incorrectly.
Which letters make a quarter of a mile? M, I, L or E.

Last edited by Roraborealis (2005-03-18 05:51:59)

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School is practice for the future. Practice makes perfect. But - nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Roraborealis

Member

Registered: 2005-03-17

Posts: 1,594

Re: Jokes

Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spied 'er.

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School is practice for the future. Practice makes perfect. But - nobody's perfect, so why practice?